Friday, April 3, 2015

Top Five Fridays: Characters I Want In Justice League 3001

If Weird Science was a baseball team, I'd like to think that our coach would either be Earl Weaver or Lou Piniella.  Why?  Because those two son of a guns were miserable and loved arguing...just like us.  What does that have to do with Top Five Fridays?  Nothing whatsoever...except that if one of those guys were our coach, they would have tapped their right arm and called in the relief pitcher, Jim Werner.  That's right, Eric hasn't done a list in a couple of weeks and when Sweet Lou heard he wouldn't be doing it again, he called me out of the bullpen.  So, here I go with my first attempt.  Wish me luck.

My list involves a subject near and dear to my heart, Justice League 3000...I mean 3001.  If you aren't familiar with the book, Wikipedia says,

Justice League 3000 is a comic book series published by DC Comics. Taking place in the future of the DC Universe as part of The New 52, the series features a 31st century iteration of the Justice League, with new versions of SupermanBatmanWonder Womanthe Flash, and Green Lantern.  The series is written by JM DeMatteis and Keith Giffen and illustrated by Howard Porter.

God I love Wikipedia, the Encyclopedia Britannica for a younger, more lazy generation.  What you don't get from that description, however, is how much fun this book is.  The 31st century has some pretty shoddy records so these 'Heroes" are oftentimes not what you expected which leads to all sorts of hilarity.  Hopefully, that dynamic will come through in this list as well.  So, without further ado, here is my Top Five Characters I want in Justice League 3001.

#5   Superboy and Supergirl

This is a double threat in more than one way...I guess it's a quadruple threat, right.  First off, these two hate each other and that is always a great dynamic.  Just imagine them as a self hating version of the Wonder Twins and you see where I'm going.  However, even better would be to see how these two interact with Superman.  The Justice League 3001 version of Superman is such a jerk-off and I don't think his swelled head would allow any other "Super" heroes in his Universe.  Give them more powers than he does (especially flight) and just sit back and watch the sparks fly.  Then there is the chance Superman thinks Kara and Kon are his offspring...but I'll leave that for later on in this list.

#4    Harley Quinn

This one isn't about any warped version of the character, I want Harley Quinn just the way she always is...bat shit crazy.  I can just imagine Harley waking up in the 31st century, getting a look at the Justice League and be the...voice of reason!  Better yet, I would love to see Harley manipulate everyone to get her own way.  She would have everyone at each others throats immediately and I can only imagine the lies she'd tell them.  Of course, wherever Harley is, the Joker is sure to follow, but that better not happen.  I'm so sick of the Joker, right now.

#3   Aquaman

Aquaman has really gained a lot of respect since the beginning of the New 52.  It's time that Giffen and DeMatteis knock him back down a whole bunch of pegs.  It makes me laugh just thinking about Aquaman showing up and realizing that all that respect is gone.  The Justice League 3001 members could all sit around laughing at Aquaman and he'd have to take it.  I would love to see the long haired, hook handed version of Arthur, but any version would be great as a punching bag.

#2   Jimmy Olsen

This one is pretty specific.  It was revealed that the Universe's greatest villain is Lois Lane.  I know, that's the humor, folks.  What better way to combat that than with the Universe's greatest hero...Jimmy Olsen.  So, how do I want Giffen and DeMatteis to come up with his power set?  Just go and look at all those great Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen covers, that's how.  Imagine the possibilities...the Human Porcupine, the Red Headed Beatle of 1,000 BC or The Giant Turtle Man.  I really want this to happen!

#1   Robin(s)

Yes, my number one character I want in Justice League 3001 is Robin.  I hear you all asking, "Which Robin, Jim?"  First of all, stop talking to your computer.  I can't really hear you and you're just crazy people.  Secondly, I want every Robin.  Every Robin as one crazy ass character.  That's the only thing missing from Justice League 3001, The Three Faces of Eve or better yet, the Seven Faces of Robin. Yes, I'm going with Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Damian Wayne and Carrie Kelly all rolled up into one.  Crazy.  Sexy.  Cool.  It's a horror move/comedy/drama come to life and I would pay money to see how Batman would react to it all.  Then, I would pay even more money to see Superman react to Batman's reaction.  Seriously, the fun could last until Justice League 3004.  By the way, I know this is politically incorrect, but I am a horrible person.  Just ask my wife and kids.

Well, that's it folks.  I stepped in, did the job and now I can go home.  I hope someone out there enjoyed the list and I hope it inspires Eric to get back to work on one next week.  It's a lot of work and I am really lazy!  Let me know if you have any ideas for who you would like to see in Justice League 3001 or something for my new list...Top Five People who want to make a list so Jim doesn't have to work so hard.  See you next week.

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  1. I'd like to see Future Lobo and Future Doom Patrol. And I suppose Future Ambush Bug for a Giffen trifecta.

    1. I had Lobo on the list originally. Doom Patrol would be cool as well.

  2. 5. Captain Atom
    4. The Atom
    3. Blue Beetle
    2. Firestorm
    1. Green Arrow


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