Thursday, May 7, 2015

Convergence #5 Review and *SPOILERS*

Written By: Jeff King
Art By: Andy Kubert, Sandra Hope, Brad Anderson
Cover Price: $3.99
Release Date: April 6, 2015

Repressed Memories

*Non Spoilers and Score At The Bottom*

It's time for Convergence again and with it, a nugget more of information so we can move forward and find out why the hell Brainiac and a sentient planet would pit doomed cities against one another.... It's a pretty strange plan and unless they're selling the rights to pay-per-view, I'm not following the intent here.  In the last issue we saw Dick Grayson being put in a liquid metal shell so that he could do all the things that a man without a shattered spine could do.... because apparently his spine is shattered..... Yeah, I'm not getting over that.  With this metal shell, we saw Dick Grayson follow Telos around and try and show him the error of his ways....... but that's not the fun stuff.  The real story took place on Skartaris, where Deimos and the surviving Earth 2 Wonders waged war against that city's people, but our Wonders were led astray because Deimos really wanted to suck all the power out of the captured Time Masters so that he could contact the T sphered trapped Brainiac in Futures End land.  Let's see if Brainiac is pissed at Telos for breaking all his toys and find out what the hell is going on in this event.

Explain It!:

Our story begins with Brainiac demanding to be released from his Mr. Terrific prison and really I thought that would have been the whole purpose of contacting him in the first place but no, it seems like Deimos only wanted to taunt the collecting god and to add insult to injury, he even turns Telos against Brainiac....... Kinda.  From his new Time Master power, Deimos is able to look at someone and know everything about them..... That's right, so if he'd look at you he'd know what you do laying in your bed at night...... Think about it.  So when he looked at Telos, we foundd out that Telos isn't a crazy planet after all, he was once a man with a family and when Brainiac came to his planet, he offered Telos a deal.  Eternal servitude in exchange for sending his people away to safety.  Obviously Telos took the deal and had his past ripped from him and after learning this...... Telos has a panic attack and he's pretty much out of this issue from then on........ crying and shit.

We move away from this breaking development to find Warlord and his Queen Tara trying to make their way back to the castle only to be ambushed by more Lizard Men and Tara falls in battle.  With the resolve of wanting to seriously put the hurt on Deimos now that his Queen is dead, Warlord smites the Lizard Men and confronts the black sorcerer........ Only to be killed instantly....... So all of this really doesn't matter.......WTF?  The fight inside between Deimos and our Earth 2 Wonders isn't really any better, we spend the majority of this issue just watching our heroes get their asses kicked and Flash talking about The Speed Force, even though he's never heard that word before since his power is derived from the god Mercury....... So that's weird as well.  You want some more weirdness?  It looks like the metal shell that was allowing Dick to be useful in this story is gone...... Maybe it isn't and I can just go suck it, but it certainly looks different than last issue and I'd think that with Telos having his crying fit, the metal shell that he seemed to form around Grayson would come off.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I would like to know how Dick plans on going to the bathroom in the future.

In the end, our heroes fight Deimos and the battle causes the structure of the castle to collapse, forces our heroes to make an escape.......... Except Yolanda Montez......Somehow she gets seriously separated from the rest of the group and is grabbed by Deimos.  So with no sign of Yolanda and Telos, our heroes plan on bringing the rest of the cities together to fight Telos and Deimos...... and somehow Dick finds a batarang lying around and immediately thinks that he's going to become the next Batman..... You know, since Ted Grant gave him a whole half an hour of training time before Earth 2 was destroyed....... Idiot.  As we close the book we see Deimos contact all the fighting cities and give him his revived Telos speech, telling them that they don't have to fight...... Just so long as they worship him as their new god........ The hell with it, I'd be down.

That's it for this issue of Convergence and I have no idea what's going on with this event anymore.  First we contact Brainiac for no reason, then we see a bunch of Warlord for no reason and Telos just ups and leaves the story all together when he finds out that he isn't actually a planet....... Yeah, that might be a legitimate reaction but the majority of this issue just seems like it could have been compressed into a couple of pages.  Just aimless fighting here, over there and then BAM!  Deimos' speech.  As much as I've been remaining hopeful for this event to really grab me and start kicking some ass, at this point I don't know how it could possibly grab me if the remaining issues are anything like the past five we've gotten.  I did enjoy the art though, so if you're like me when I was a kid and loved just staring at comic book art, then this issue is totally for you........ Man this event better go somewhere soon.......... and explain how Dick Grayson pees....... You know, important things.

Bits and Pieces:

At this point I'm not sure if there's anything that can save this event from....... itself actually.  Where as I thought this issue would open up the story to a whole new epicness, instead we got more of the same, fighting and speeches and the only difference being a brand new speech.......  That's about it.  The only saving grace to me for this issue is the art.  So if you're only looking for good art, go pick this up.

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  1. I have to agree with your astute observations yet again, the main Convergence issue is confusing as hell and, frankly, is beginning to smell a little like Earth 2: World's End. There are some great scenes in the comic, so when I finished it I was initially all "fuck yeah!" but after ten seconds I was like, "what the fuck just happened, yeah?" I'll tell you this much, I would give a Warlord comic a chance after seeing him in action here, despite him having little impact. I wouldn't mind seeing his conflict with Deimos under more "normal" circumstances--maybe when he's not stealing time powers (?) or handling Mr. Terrific's balls (pause) for seemingly no reason.

  2. Yeah I like the issue but then suddenly I realised that shit just happened for reasons. I don't understand why the tie ins are more interesting than the main title. Hopefully with the next issue the book might be less earth2 , more pre new52

  3. This issue was a big F.U. to any remaining fans of Warlord, which I am not, so I don't care.

    The funniest moment was Deimos spouting off to Val about "Lois and Clark together again! The Titans hunted!" Like Val has any idea who those people are. If you wanted any more indication that this is less a story than a bunch of service from the writers to the fans, there it is.

    1. Is there any Warlord fans??? I agree that the funniest moment was Deimos telling Val stuff he never would know. I have tried to remain positive, but this story has more holes in it than Eric's underwear. It's starting to get to me.

    2. I think that scene was supposed to illustrate that Deimos is seeing the multiverse, not the future as he thinks. But I agree that it's a pretty lackluster and confused story so far


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