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Written By: Cullen Bunn Art By: Alec Morgan, Art Thibert, Jesus Merino, Guy Major, Tom Napolitano Cover Price: $3.99 Release Date: September 30, 2015
Make Up Sex
*Non Spoilers and Score At The Bottom*
This new story arc for Aquaman has been a rough one. I was so happy to finally be able to review this title when I took it over from Jim and having Cullen Bunn on writing duties was just icing on the cake in my mind....... I guess I can be a little over zealous at times and I certainly was for this book because besides for how relieved I was that we finally got some answers about what was going on in the last issue, there really hasn't been anything to keep people reading this series. Aquaman is on the run from his own people since he took it upon himself to save refugees from a mirror Atlantis that is forcing itself into the real world....... so with that problem, he went and got himself some god powers from Poseidon and has been fighting the good fight ever since and trying to stay one step ahead of his own people who want to try him for treason. Don't worry folks, the love fest that is Arthur and Mera isn't completely destroyed here because we found out in the previous issue that the Mera ordering the death of the former king isn't really Mera, but some kind of magical impostor who may or may not be from that mirror Atlantis.......it isn't very clear yet, but hopefully that will all change here. Let's check it out.
Our story begins with Aquaman teleporting into Mera's sleeping chambers and I couldn't help but laugh at this because Mera wakes up shocked because Arthur is standing over her with a knife in his hand and he has the gull to say that it isn't what it looks like......... Yeah, it really isn't what it looked like because he needs that magic knife that transforms into a magic trident to teleport, but you go stand over a sleeping ex with a knife and try to pull that "it isn't what it looks like" line. So where I originally thought that this was going to be the time and place where the issue gets exposition-y and starts answering the big questions and moves the story along, instead we get a rehashing of the information we got last issue about this mirror Atlantis called Thule and how Aquaman is saving folks and so on and so on..... that's a big part of this issue and it's nonsense. Another thing that constitutes nonsense in my book is how over the top Mera is towards Arthur when he tries to explain his actions and instead of taking a time out Zack Morris style so that he can realize that this insane bitch isn't the woman that he loves, he instead decides that it's sexy time and the two begin getting busy........ I'm not kidding on the nonsense level because what I explained here is literally half the book.
After the deed is done and the two have that all too familiar shame running through their veins.......wait, that might be a personal thing that I shouldn't have said.......... but yeah, shame. Anyway, Arthur sees that the woman he sexed up wasn't his wife at all, but someone calling herself Siren and who also claims that Mera is her sister....... and I hope to whatever god you worship that after all this is over that we don't have Mera being pissed off for a long period of time because Arthur slept with someone else and should have known that it wasn't her....... I've seen that shit in way too many TV shows and it's annoying every damn time, so hopefully we don't get any of that. Even though this is a huge revelation for Arthur and could vindicate him in the eyes of his people........ he underestimates Siren and allows her to....... stab him? I don't know, she does something and Arthur gets a damn hole in his chest, but where the weapon was hiding I could never tell you.
In the end, the Atlantean guards bust in and Aquaman teleports away from the scene, but apparently he needs some serious concentration when he teleports because as this issue closes we see that Aquaman has teleported right off the damn planet and onto an alien world............ So yeah, right in the middle of our damn story we have to take a break to see Aquaman in space...... I give up.
That's it for this issue of Aquaman and I don't know why anyone would be reading this book anymore. I got really happy in the previous issue when we finally started getting some answers about what the hell is going on in this story, but I can't say that I'm happy to be getting the same damn information here as well....... why the hell would we have a double explanation? Is it because this story is so dull and confusing that Bunn needed to make sure that if people didn't get the info last issue that they got it here? If that wasn't bad enough, we also got Aquaman and Not-Mera arguing and then bumping uglies because.......... we needed some T and A to get some interest in this book? The characterization in this story is terrible and Aquaman ultimately just comes off as a big dummy. There just isn't anything that I find remotely interesting anymore and to make sure that the feeling I have continues, we also have that cliffhanger that implies that Aquaman is on another world in the next issue and adding new elements to this already convoluted story is just ridiculous. If all of that wasn't enough to put you off of this book then the art certainly will. I've said a dozen times that I hate saying anything negative about what an artist does because of how in awe I am of what they're able to do, but this art style does nothing for this book........except make Not-Mera look sexy as hell in her underwear, but I think we should be looking for more in our comics.
Bits and Pieces:
This book continues to be terrible and I don't know why anyone would continue to read it...... except maybe if you're one of those "the glass is three quarters full" kind of optimistic freak and you're simply hanging on to see if anything can be salvaged from this train wreck of a story. So yeah, the story just isn't there and sadly, neither is the art. There isn't a damn thing that is redeeming this story at this point.