Let’s catch up!
Maze of course was fucking stoked about this, because she is a violent sociopath/demon. I was stoked about it because maybe this show was going to stop trading on its potential and start living up to it.
Let's give it a looksy and see how shit shakes out.
As always, we kick things off at Lux, LA's most upscale TGIFridays and it looks like Maze has taken a shine to an Eastern European fellow with a cheap suit and one of them odd Eastern European hairlines that Eastern European men have.
Maze gets her full sexy on and lures old boy to the roof top swimming pool for what appears to be a quick love making sesh. Yuri, or whatever the fuck his name is, is all gung-ho to service Maze via tongue (the most powerful muscle) which seems ill advised being that they are in the pool and all, This however doesn't stop Oleg from trying. Maze of course plays the asshole and holds old boys head under water till he cries.
When she finally lets him up, who is sitting poolside to greet our commrade? None other than Luci. After a quick quid pro quo, Luci realized that this fool does not know where his wings are and lets him go. Luci is a bit upset, perplexed, befuddled, how is it that Maze's torture skills are not working, could it be that torture doesn't work? I don't know, but it seems like a subtle liberal hollyweird jab at the Bush Administration and Republicans in general. Maybe it's just me but I find Hollywood elitists forcing their opinions on me to be a form of torture in its own right. Where is the Geneva convention for white people?
Anyway, Luci realizes that the problem is not with the criminals, but with them. They have been going about it the wrong way. This of course leads us to Chloe, who is getting even more stink eye than usual from LA's finest. It is up to Dan, who is still hanging around in hopes of getting back in that ass, to let her know that the detective that she has been investigating for corruption despite everyone telling her to back off because you know he was shot and is on life support, is about to get his shit unplugged. Dan is all "think of his wife and kids" and Chloe is all "alright, but I am going to investigate this shit for one more day just in case I am right" and Dan is all "Cool, I'll come with because I don't have shit better to do than tag-along with my ex".
Luci reached out to his brother Amenadale and asks him to help him find his wings, Amenadale is on some "Fuck you" shit because he is salty that Luci left him in charge of hell and didn't even leave pizza money. So Luci approaches Chloe to ask her to help him find his wings, and she is totes down, but first Luci has to help her prove that a dying man is crooked. Dan is all like "Hey I'm here too".
So Luci, Chloe and fucking Dan as he will no forever be know, go to back to the original crime scene where the cop was shot. Chloe breaks down what she saw, life support cop took a stack of bills from some Russian asshole, and then mad shots fired, old boy was down, and he was laying there like a fucking new born baby god.
Chloe is all "open and shut bitches" and Luci is all, "Why would he try raise up like that if he was in a partnership, maybe there was a 3rd party" Chloe never thought of this, and fucking Dan is all one raised eyebrow up in this bitch.
Chloe being the only good detective in LA finds out where Luci's wings are via google search I am guessing. They are being auctioned off with a gang of other religious artifacts that are believed to be stolen, so the alphabet boys (FBI) are all up in this fucker ready to take it down. Luci doesn't give a fuck, he rolls up in that bitch with some ancient coins and his plus one, Amenadale. Huh?
They approach the dude running the auction, who happens to be the guy who played the Mayor in the Wire and said Shheeeeeiiiiiit all the time. That guy fucking rules. Amenadale tries a little strong arm tactics, Luci is all like, "chill bitch, I might be mortal now so I am not trying to get bucked up in this bitch" Luci smooths shit over and gets in to bid on HIS WINGS like a simp, but not before Amenadale let's him know that he slipped up. Now that he is mortal, all he needs is to catch a random bullet and his ass is back in hell and this time for good.
Chlo-tal Recall shows up just in time, she calms shit down and the auction begins. Most of the items are obvious fakes, Luci and Amenadale act like assholes heckling the items, and then the Feds raid the whole shit. Luci works his way though the commotion, gets to his wings, only to find out they are fake. Luci is crestfallen, Chloe is all "enough with this angel wing bullshit, I got some real shit to investigate, let's roll". Luci is butt hurt and tells her to fuck off, and they both go their separate ways.
Chlo-dog and fucking Dan go back to the scene of the corruption crime and find a secret passage way that would have allowed a 3rd party to come in, blast everyone, and slide out complete undiscovered and unknown. In the passage, they find a clue, and it is a biggie, a key to a police locker. It can't be the life support cop's either because he had his on him.
Luci realizes that the auctioner/Mayor of Baltimore, still has his wings, he rolls up to dude's crib, busts in unannounced and finally sees his wings. The auctioner/MoB spills the beans that once he found out they were real, he had to keep them. Turns out Amenadale told him. Which is hella fucked up, because if mankind finds these kinds of celestial swag, the whole deal goes tits up and reality gets flashed out of existence, because God is a petulant asshole.
Luci is hella pissed at Amenadale now. So he calls Amenadale to meet him at the beach where he is drinking and smoking with his wings. He lets Amanadale know that he knows and then lights them shits on fire to prove a point. That point? That he isn't going back to hell no matter what the fuck anyone has to say about it and Amenadale can lick his asshole if he has a problem with this. Of course Amenadale has to save face and talks some slick shit about dragging his limey ass back to hell if it is the last thing he does. Amenadale is a bitch bro.
Back at the precinct Chlo-bo cop makes a toast to life support cop, tells the whole department she was wrong and that he was legit. Fucking Dan is happy she came around, but Chloe lets fucking Dan in on a secret, she is playing the long game and figures letting the rest of the force think that she dropped the case is the perfect way to keep them of the scent of her actually investigating it. I'm sure she is gonna velvet glove this shit and in no way will tip her hand before the first commercial break next week.
Back at Lux Luci apologizes to Maze for dragging her out of hell to LA, he knows it wasn't fair since she was bound to him for all of eternity. Maze being the down as bitch she is, is all, no worries bruh, we are still tight, let's go slay some puss. Of course this is when Chloe walks in with smokey eye make up and a slouchy blouse and ruins the whole vibe. Chloe and Luci make up, neither talking about their particular cases and all is well.
We end the night at the hospital bed of life support cop. Family in fucking tears as they pull the plug. Miraculously, dude goes all "the bride" in Kill Bill and comes to! Everyone is geeked the fuck out, hugging and crying which allows Amenadale to slide out unnoticed to everyone but us.
I predict that Chloe is going to get to close and in the season finale, fucking Dan is gonna be all set to kill her but Luci is going to show up with Maze in just a nick of time to save her, Season two will start with Chlo-del Beckham and Luci shacking up while her daughter Beatrice has been re-written as a foxy Latina roommate who is sleeping with Maze, while a sexless Luci and Chloe bang on the wall and complaining about the noise. "SOME OF US HAVE TO SLEEP".
A man can dream right?