Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Flash Season 2 Episode 18 “Verses Zoom" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Joe Peracchio & David Kob
Directed By: Stefan Pleszczynski
First Aired: April 19, 2016

Since iZombie is over and I have nothing else to do here, Reggie suggested that I take over doing the Flash recaps, and me being an agreeable type muthafucker I said sure.

It has been a few weeks since we last saw Barry Allen fuck up everything he touches and the CW decided to do that thing where they decide to not air their shows for weeks at a time because fuck momentum right?

When we last left Flash Mob Barry decided to ignore everyone’s concerns and travel back in time to find out how to be faster and beat some asshole he already beat, but I guess he didn’t beat him good enough because he killed Jay “The dullest character on TV” Garrick just before getting trapped in Earth 2. Barry did a bunch of shit that fucked up the timeline and found out how to get faster.

Caught up?  Good. 

Explain It:

This episode pissed me off so fucking much, so let’s quickly recap this fucker and then we can get into a long winded diatribe as to why Barry Allen is a fucking asshole.

We start the night off with some flashbacks to Jay/Zoom’s childhood. Turns out his dad was an abusive asshole who fought in some Earth 2 version of what appears to be WWII because muthafuckers are dressing all Greatest Generation, not all post-Vietnam STD and Heroin-y. Like most assholes from that generation, Jay/Zoom’s pops would rather swallow his pride so he can be all white man tough like JJ Watt than deal with his PTSD. Eventually old boy snaps and kills Jay/Zoom’s mom. Jay/Zoom ends up in an orphanage which never ends up well unless you are fucking Annie or the Drummond kids, Arnold and Willis.

We join the Flash Mob™ right as they are prepping to test the tech they got from past Harrison Wells to see if it will actually help Barry run faster. What the fuck do you know, it does, now he is four times faster than he has ever been! Really?  FUCKING REALLY? Even faster than those times when he broke the space time continuum and reset history?  I’m calling bullshit bro.

Earth 2 H-Wells lets it slip that he is now faster than Zoom and Barry gets all chubbed up and chest puffed. He is feeling himself and starts talking shit to Cisco because Cisco is being a pussy about his powers. Barry convinces him to embrace his powers and open the fucking portal so he can finish off Zoom. Earth 2 H-Wells comes through with some recalibrated goggles that they snatched off Cisco’s Earth 2 doppelganger Reverb allowing Cisco to open the shit out of a portal to Earth 2.

Meanwhile at Casa-de-Joe-Wells, Joe and Wally bond when Joe, after a talking to from Barry, invites Wally to live with him in the crib. Iris is thinking about throwing some side at Barry because she has come around to dating again, I mean it has been about 3 months which is plenty of time to get over her dead fiance, just ask Caitlyn.

Caitlyn justifies her paycheck by remember Jay/Zoom’s doppelgangers name, which I can’t for the life of me give enough of a fuck to look up. It turns out homeboy is a serial killer on Earth 2 and was given his powers during some sweet ass electroshock action. Great. Now let’s trap this asshole and move on, what could possibly go wrong.

Barry and Cisco set the trap, bring Jay/Zoom back to Earth 1, they do a lot of running. Barry traps Jay/Zoom, talks a gang of shit, and then Jay/Zoom says some clever shit, escapes, and kidnaps Wally dropping old boy off in a cage back on Earth-2. He comes back to Earth-1, Barry agrees to give him his speed in exchange for Wally. Transaction goes down, Zoom almost kills Barry for sport, Caitlyn talks him down and suddenly shit is dark. 

Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:

Every week Barry Allen is a fucking asshole, so I will dedicate a portion of each recap to explore the depth of his assholitude. 

There is so much asshole to explore this week, I hope you like spelunking bro. 
Barry Allen is the George W. Bush of the Justice League. This fucker just couldn’t leave well enough alone. He beat Zoom, homeboy was going to die, remember he was sick, the sanctions you applied to Earth 2 were working, all you had to do was sit back and wait, but you decided to play superhero and go back to the quagmire that is Earth-2 why? Because you are a fucking asshole. Let’s dig a little deeper. I know we are supposed to suspend belief when watching this shit, but if Earth-2 is so fucking week that they can’t stop one dude, no matter how fast he is, that world deserves to be under his thumb. Does Earth-2 have no military? No police force? No Guardian Angels or break dance crews willing to solve it via dance?  

He is one dude, I don’t care how fast he is, it's not like the world order is going to end if Ussan Bolt suddenly decides he wants to rob banks or some shit. No they are going to yoke his ass up and lock him the fuck up. Earth-2 should be able to handle it without your wanna be tough guy ass coming through and making shit worse. 

But fuck it, you decide that you need to be a hero, you open up a new portal, and get punched in your fucking mouth. You gave this fucker all your speed and now he has even more power over to rain hell all over these fucking powerless weak ass Earth-2 bitches. 

On top of that, you are back to being a powerless nerd fuck who is going to whine a lot and die a virgin. You created Earth-2 ISIS you prick.

You couldn’t even be cool when you were talking to Joe about letting Wally move in. Sure it was nice that you hipped him to the fact that Wally was looking for a crash pad, but you still had to let him know that you would be happier if it was just the two of you walking around in undershorts and sniffing each other’s farts, but you were all “Fuck it, it’s your crib bro”. 

What a fucking asshole. 

10/10 (I love seeing Barry Allen Lose)

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  1. Although not on the level of your disgust, I was disappointed by this episode as well. It started for me early on when Barry was testing the speed device Wells gave him (that Alien robo-spawn looking thing on his chest). He disappeared mid-run and then appeared again to finish at the lab where he said, "How long was I gone?" I thought,"Great! A reference to his alternate-Earth cross-over on the Supergirl show!" But that opportunity went nowhere. The show went down-hill from there for all the reasons you mentioned. What's up with the writers? Very annoying for to me to see one of my favorite shows devolve like this.

  2. The writers have been awful. this could have been an amazing season. They have all but reduced Caitlyn to window dressing.

    1. wow that's a cold dis to her haircut, they're called bangs Tim

  3. I got so confused on Zoom's explanation of how he was Hunter and Jay at the same time >.>


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