Wednesday, May 25, 2016

The Flash Season 2 Episode 23 “The Race of His Life" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Todd Helbing, Aaron Helbing & David Kob 
Directed By: Antonio Negret
First Aired: May 24, 2016

Before we jump into the finale let’s get caught up on last week's episode. 

Caitlin is back and she is hells traumatized, but friendship grounds her and she'll be ok. Cisco is all science-y and awesome. Jesse is there. Wells doesn't do much outside of listen to a fucked up frequency to save Jesse's ears.  Wally goes all vigilante with it, and then feels betrayed when finding out Barry is the Flash and kept it secret while he drowned in guilt.  Barry and Iris decide to get down with the get down. And once again Barry fails to kill Zoom despite ample opportunity to do so.  Instead they just talk and shit which leads to Zoom killing Henry in front of Barry. 

Barry that's on you.  

Your superheroing around Zoom has been suspect as fuck. Your failure to act is weak as shit and you are a dick. That said the episode was awesome and if Flash was on AMC would have been the season finale, because you know, good TVing happens there. As it is the CW, I am girding my loins for this week because the preview for the finale looked wack as fuck. Zoom killed your pops and instead of merking his bitch ass you are gonna have a foot race.  Fuck you Barry.

Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings. 

Explain It:

What a total fart noise of an episode. All the good will, action, character development and storytelling from the past few episodes went right out the fucking window.  The whole shit was straight simp bullshit. I think that sets the tone for this recap, so if you were looking for some knob slobbing maybe swing by Entertainment Weekly or some shit cause you will find no quarter here.

We pick up right where we left off, Zoom just killed Henry and Barry with all that speed for power just sits there like and asshole and let's zoom talk all sorts of crazy shit. I mean seriously, is this dude ever going to do the right thing?  Short answer maybe.  Barry starts fucking homeboy up all over his old crib* and then all over Central City. IT IS ABOUT FUCKING TIME BRO! Finish the fucking deal and kill this bitch. Oh right, you are an asshole that would rather allow a person responsible for the death of hundreds, maybe thousands, live while you cry about shit and pretend that blood ain't on your hands. Barry is an asshole.

*By now someone should have bought Barry's childhood home right?  Central City seems to be a thriving town where a nice looking craftsman like that would fetch a pretty penny.  This being the case, how fucked up is it for the family that lives there to have these asshole speedsters showing up and leaving bodies in their foyer. Little James is going be scarred bruh!

At Henrys Funeral Barry backs out on the eulogy but Joe steps in admirably and drops science on that ass. Is it just me or is it odd that there is an isolated shower going on over the funeral?  It's hella sunny out there dunny.  Barry vows revenge (ooooh mad brooding Barry Allen in the house!) maybe if you didn't allow zoom to come back to earth, arm him with speed and instead left him exiled on earth two while the speed sickness killed him, none of this shit happens and we could have had a good villain like killer shark or some shit. You should have done the right thing from the jump

At the West household Wally corners Barry with some awkward talk about how thankful he is that Barry sacrificed so much for him and that he owes him.  Dammit it seems as though Wally isn't bitter. I guess that's a plus, though I was looking forward to bitter Wally. Joe is busy hammering whiskey at the funeral after party. Homeboy is lit!  Zoom shows up and challenges Barry to a fucking race while using poor grammar to threaten Barry's peeps. Does do Barry anything about this? Of course not.

What the fuck is it going to take Barry? Say what you want about Arrow but at least that muthafucker kills some muthafuckers that need to get got.

Back at the lab Wells hips Barry to the reason Zoom wants to race. Turns out Zoom built some machine that will cause the multiverse to collapse on itself. The only design flaw, and it is a really big design flaw, is that he needs Barry's speed to power it. Maybe Barry will not take the bait because he learned something from the last time he fell for Zoom’s okeydoke. Hahahahahahahahahaha. This is Barry fucking Allen we are talking about. Of course he would rather race him and possibly destroy existence rather than just kill him. What a fucking dick!

Lucky for the human race, Wells and Joe aren’t having it, they tranq Barry and toss his ass in meta jail. At least someone in Flash Mob has finally realized that Barry is a shitty decision maker who fancies himself some sort of Christ figure here to save us all.  About time the adults acted like adults and stopped giving into this petulant child.  Flash mob is tired of Barry's ego ruining their lives and decided to call him on his bullshit. The smart scientists came up with a great plan to take down Zoom and it doesn’t involve a 78% chance that the universe implodes.

Jesse being the consummate idiot teenager and exercising perfect timing before the big mission and all, decides that she is going to dump her dad with the old "I just want you to be happy" bullshit I used a lot in my 20s. I bet she already had a better dad lined up and Wells is going to be hella pissed when he sees the photos on Facebook. 

They did it. They knocked Zoom back the fuck to Earth 2 and closed the portals. Only problem, Zoom snatched Joe on his way back through, but Flash Mob all agreed that no matter what happens they will not open the breach. Thank god our national nightmare is over.  Well at least until Wally shows up and fucks it all up by letting Barry out to take a resolved situation, unresolved it and make it worse aka the Barry Allen special.

The next 15 minutes or so was a bunch of typical superhero bullshit.  The Flash Mob suddenly turns stupid again and agree to team up with Barry. They pretend to be happy about it because Barry is a fucking sociopath who they are all terrified off.  Barry and Zoom race. Barry wins. Creates a time shadow that is willing to die to stop Zoom and happens to summon those Harry Potter ass looking Dementors who have been hunting Zoom to cart his ass off to time prison or some shit.

It would appear that despite Barry's best efforts to destroy the universe things managed to work out. Everyone at the lab is all honky dory at least until they unmask homeboy from Zoom’s prison, revealing perhaps the least shocking most telegraphed reveal of all time. It's Jay Garrick aka the Earth 3 doppelgänger of Henry West.  They shove Jay into a shitty Flash outfit that makes him look like a fat exterminator in a local network TV commercial and he heads back to Earth 2 with Wells and Jesse, who I am guessing chose to peace the out because the writing on Earth 1 is fucking awful.

Back at the casa de Wells Barry and Iris have a heart to heart. He informs her that he needs sometime before jumping into a relationship and he will apparently spend the next season walking the earth to find solace or some shit. Then they give the fan boys what they want. They kiss.  Fucking gross they are brother and sister.

Finally in what is perhaps the biggest fuck you to anyone who wasted their Tuesday nights watching this tripe, Barry goes back in time and saves his mother. Wiping away everything that has happened in the past two season.

This episode fucking sucked

Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:

Did you read the above recap?  If not just read that again, it will explain all the reasons Barry Allen is an asshole. From this point on I am actively rooting against Barry, he might be the biggest super villain in the DC/CW universe. Until next season, FUCK BARRY ALLEN!

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