Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Mysteries of Love in Space #1 Review and **SPOILERS**

In Space, No One Can Hear You Smooch

Cover: Joëlle Jones
Editors: Alex Antone & Dave Wielgosz
Cover Price: $9.99
On Sale Date: January 30, 2018


Well, wouldja lookit that: another ten dollar anthology by DC Comics! Does anyone actually buy these? I’m serious. There’s about three of these a year, and increasingly they don’t even have big names attached to latch on to. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy these if you want to, I would just love to know the reasoning. I, for one, was a huge fan of the anthology comics format, but after reviewing successive DC Comics attempts, I have to admit to being less so today. But perhaps Mysteries of Love in Space will turn that all around! Blind naivete is the same as hope, right? Check out my review!

Explain It!

“An Apokoliptian Love Story”
Writer: James Tynion IV
Artist: Jesus Merino
Colors: Romulo Fajardo Jr.
Letters: Clayton Cowles
A rebellion headed by a guy named Markus is quashed by Granny Goodness and the Female Furies, but when tortured, his girlfriend Saraqel will not divulge any information. This is good, says Markus, who transforms into Darkseid. And this somehow makes Saraqel an ideal Female Fury? I don’t understand anything about Apokoliptan bueauracracy at all. Awesome Kirby homage by the art team, though.

“Old Scars, Fresh Wounds”
Writer: Kyle Higgins
Artist: Cian Tormey
Colors: John Kalisz
Letters: Clayton Cowles
Kilowog is forever alone because he’s thrown himself into being the Green Lantern Corps’ drill sergeant for good. When a hot-shot space marsupial named C’Jon makes fun of him, Kilowog takes away his ring—then later thinks better of it, because he knows C’Jon is the last of his people. Kilowog has the same backstory, so he gives C’Jon his ring back. And nepotism and “special treatments” continue to be a problem within the corrupt Green Lantern Corps! [see accompanying manifesto]

“Backward Heart”
Writer: Saladin Ahmed
Artist: Max Dunbar
Colors: Paul Mounts
Letters: Dave Sharpe
Cruising the galaxy, Bizarro finds a like-minded lady hero named Grotesqua, an ugly hero doing good deeds for an adopted homeworld. Bizarro pitches in on beating up some aliens, including a giant fire worm, then Grotesqua fucks him. The next day, she says she has to split, but leaves Bizarro with adequate afterglow so that he keeps doing good deeds back on Earth.

“Galentine’s Day”
Writer: Cecil Castellucci
Artist: Elena Casagrande
Colors: Jordie Bellaire
Letters: Steve Wands
Hawkgirl is alone for Valentine’s Day, since her boyfriend is a continually-reincarnating Ancient Egyptian/space cop. Being the only one on the JLA satellite, she faces an giant alien that slipped through a space rift but finds it too tough to tackle by herself. Starfire and Jessica Cruz show up to help her out, then the three of them drink some wine on the steps of the Hall of Justice and bond. A nice little story all around, if a little too long.

“GPS I Love You”
Writer: Aaron Gillespie
Artist: Max Raynor
Colors: Hi-Fi
Letters: Dave Sharpe
Space Cabbie gets a new female-voiced GPS named A.I.D.A., with whom he eventually falls in love. When his cab company wants to upgrade the software, he’s worried that he’ll lose her forever, but luckily she uploaded herself to his phone. This is another cute story that is more about the moments than the overall conceit.
Writer: Andrea Shea
Artist: Amancay Nahuelpan
Colors: Trish Mulvihill
Letters: Tom Napolitano
Crush is enamored of underground meta-human fight club champion Ayana, who takes Crush on a private picnic to make out. Did I say “make out?” I meant to suck Crush’s life-essence from her body and throw her desiccated corpse off a cliff. You don’t take out a Czarnian that easily, however, and Crush comes back to clobber Ayana. I enjoyed this, particulary because I love this character in the currentTeen Titans run.

Writer: Jeff Loveness
Pencils: Tom Grommett
Inks: Cam Smith
Colors: Adriano Lucas
Letters: Tom Napolitano
Lois writes Clark a letter to tell him how much she appreciates him. It’s based around the glasses that “make” him Clark Kent, how it’s his best attempt to be human and how that is the best part of him. Or something. It’s pretty touching, but a little shmaltzy. I guess this is the kind of book for it.

“The Planet Pendulum,” a Holiday Encore
Writer: Gardner Fox
Pencils: Mike Sekowsky
Inks: Bernard Sachs
Editor: Julius Schwartz
And this…is a reprint of a story from Showcase #17 (December 1958), and even worse, it is steeped in the lore of stuff that has happened to Adam Strange and Allanna before it! I mean, if you wanted to introduce someone to his property, this would be a terribly story for it. Here, Adam Strange hops on the Zeta-Beam, to find Rann has been overrun by Moreans, and Alanna and her father are in some alternate place called Anthorann. Which is actually in a city called New Ranagar. Which is then attacked by the Moreans. Are you on the trolley yet? I have to think that someone—or given how long it is, two people––didn’t make their deadlines and they jammed this one in at the last minute, but lord someone should have read it first. You might as well have printed blank pages for all that people will get from it.

Folks, there are cash grabs, and then there are attempted stick-ups. You couldn’t drop the price of this thing, DC, considering the final story is a fucking reprint from 1958? You still had to squeeze the full money for this handful of thrown-together mediocrity? Your best bet is that well-meaning girlfriends will get this for their boyfriends who read mostly Marvel comics, and they don’t know the difference. The creators, by and large, did an okay job—some better than others—but DC should be ashamed of itself for trying to pass this off as a deluxe anything. This is a loss leader at best, and at the bare minimum it should be more of a gift to the consumer for a romantic holiday, not a grift to part people of ten dollar bills.

Bits and Pieces:

Eight stories, and one is a reprint from Showcase #17 from 1958. Even if the new stories were great--and they're not--this would be an unbearable cash grab for ten bucks. For shame, DC Comics.


No comments:

Post a Comment