Director: Jason Bloom
Writers: Kit Boss
Release Date: February 23, 2016
Let’s catch up!
When we last left the gang it was a bit of a mixed bag, sure the lab rat that Ravi was testing his zombie cure on died, and sure that is the same zombie cure that is coursing through Major and Blaine's veins, and sure Clive and he FBI friends snapped a photo of Major kicking it with Blaine which I'm sure is going to get unwanted eyes on him and his role as the Chaos Killer (the name the papers gave the serial killer taking out some of the wealthiest members of Seattle society), and sure Blaine and Major came to an uneasy agreement where Blaine feeds Major zombies to kill so Major can show Max Rager that he is actively cleaning up the mess they created all the while keeping Liv safe from their murderous exploits and sure Liv is currently shacking up with Drake, another zombie who has the abs of a god and the personality of drywall and who is moonlighting as a hitman for Mr. Boss (fuck this is a long sentence) but at least they dug up that tainted utopium that they had been looking for since the winter break.
From the gangs perspective shit looks like it is about to turn and grey skies are gonna clear up, but to us, the viewers, we know shits about to pop off something crazy. So without further adieu, let's jump into tonight's episode.
What a fucking episode, shit fucking pops the fuck off tonight people!
Yeah we set shit off with a little follow up on last week's episode, turns out all the utopium that the gang came up on got compromised in thanks to sitting in the dead dealers stomach acid for half a year or so. Luckily one of the dead dealers was enterprising enough to store two condoms filled with utopium in his "prison wallet" (Ravi with best line in the history of television).
Quickly we get away from anything of substance and jump into the case of the week which is essentially thirty-five minutes of fuckery and semi dull to boot. It has all the makings of a filler episode. The long and short of it - a super positive, like reader of The Secret positive, owner of a coffee shop gets her melon crushed by an AC unit that falls out of a window from a vacant apartment above her store. Liv turns the brains into a pizza bagel or some shit and is immediately all posi-vibes and annoying.
The investigation throws a red herring at us in the form of Oscar from The Office, but it turns out the woman's hella hot daughter convinces her simp, wanna be French folk singer (homeboy is hella American, never been east of Boise) to drop the AC on mom dukes, and to take the fall. She sells the coffee shop to Oscar from The Office and breaks out to Paris to be in the next season of Luther or some shit. Who gives a fuck. It took us 45 minutes and two or three micro naps to get to the good shit.
All the dangling storylines come to a head in the last 15-20 minutes and leaves my jaw on the ground until the return on March 22nd (what the fuck CW?).
Let's count them down:
- We learn Drake, Liv's new beau isn't a hitman for Mr. Boss, he is actually an undercover fed who infiltrated Mr. Boss' organization. His superiors want him to leave Liv, but he ain't having it cause he is in love.
- Blaine gets fingered by one of Mr. Boss' henchmen as the dude who turned states in an attempt to take over the game. Mr. Boss kidnaps a drunk post-coital Blaine brings him out to the woods, slits his throat and buries him in a shallow grave. To make things worse, they interrupted Blaine in the middle of a killer rendition of Whiter Shade of Pale.
- Major swings by Liv's place to confess to Liv that he is the Chaos Killer, and was hired by Max Rager Energy Drinks to take out zombies. Right as he is about to spill the beans, Liv's roommate Gilda (obviously made up name - quick recap, Gilda moved in with Liv to spy on her. She is actually the daughter of the Max Rager's owner and her real name is Rita. She also was fucking Major, black mailing him, forcing him to be the Chaos Killer and using Liv's life as a bargaining chip. Also, Liv knows that Major was throwing dick at a broad named Rita). Shit is hella awkward and as Major leaves, he accidentally calls Glenda, Rita. OH SHIT!! Liv puts it all together, duffs Glenda/Rita in her grill piece and lets her know she needs to vacate the premises pronto, or before Liv fucks her and all her shit up!!!
- Finally, we see a girl scout troop in the woods, are they bird watching? No they are fucking bear watching (worst troop leader ever - who are these parents that signed a permission slip to send their kids into the woods to watch fucking beers? CPS needs to come in and take those kids away from their negligent ass parents). While looking for bears in front of them, behind them Blaine rises from his shallow grave, steals a picnic blanket, and heads back to Seattle.
SHIT JUST GOT FUCKING REAL BRO! Unfortunately we have to now wait a fucking month to find out what the fuck is going on. Suck a dick CW.