Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Lucifer Season 1 Episode 5 “Sweet Kicks” Review and **SPOILERS**

Director: David Paymer
Jason Ning
Release Date: February 22, 2016

Let’s catch up!

To my knowledge before today nobody on the site was covering Lucifer, so let’s take a look under the hood, get caught up and see what’s really good, before we jump in and kill this recap game bruh.
Lucifer is based on the eponymous character and his story arc set off in the Neil Gaiman’s hella proper Sandman books. Lucifer realizes that hell is wack as fuck and decides to dip to the only place in the world worse than hell - Los Angeles. When we join old boy he is already elbow deep in owning Lux, the world’s worst nightclub and breaking off wanna be Ed Hardy assholes with favors, that will ultimately turn on the grantee. A coked out pop star that he “helped out” is killed in front of his Cheesecake Factory turned night club and this sets off a whole chain of events leading to a murder investigation and setting the wheels in motion for our hero. 

Through the first for episodes we do not learn all that much about Lucifer or anyone else really, it is mostly some case of the week bullshit with some drops back story splashed in to keep you around.
Episode 1: Killed pop star
Episode 2: Paparazzo jack off is killing fuckers
Episode 3: Football player with the personality of a paper cup is set up for murder
Episode 4: High level pick up artist’s old lady is kidnapped
See what I am saying?  The case of the week bullshit ain’t really all that fly, but that’s OK because Tom Ellis, the actor who plays Lucifer, is a straight fucking mack and makes the whole shit worthwhile. Oh and at the end of episode 4 we learn that Lucifer might be becoming mortal after a-freaked-the-fuck-out Chloe, fresh off of catching a glimpse of Lucifer in his non-human form (which looks kind of like Darth Maul if he was a drummer in Slipknot) busts a cap in the meaty part of this thigh. Back before Lucifer wanted to get all up in Chloe's guts this would have never happened, now, looks like homeboy is getting soft for that ass.
There are really only seven characters you need to know:
  • Lucifer Morningstar played by Tom Ellis – Prince of darkness, but with a heart of gold.
  • Chloe Decker played by Lauren German – Former actress turned cop, tough as nails, foxy as all hell too boot and has great screen chemistry with Ellis/Lucifer.
  • Dan played by Kevin Alejandro – They didn’t even bother to give dude a last name he is so irrelevant, but he is Chloe’s ex and I am sure will be the eventual cock block to Lucifer and Chloe from getting biblical.
  • Amenadiel played by DB Woodside – Angel sent by god to convince Lucifer to get his ass back to hell, right now he is being nice about it but eventually he is going to get all up in that ass I’m sure.
  • Mazikeen aka Maze played by Lesley-Ann Brandt – Lucifer’s ace, she is the apparently the best demon in all of hell who decided to roll up to LA with Lucifer and serves as his head bartender/body guard. My guess is Maze was on edge and wanted to get some of that good LA Cush!
  • Beatrice played by Scarlett Estevez – Chloe’s adorable daughter who only seems to be there to give Chloe depth and make for funnies when she shares time with Lucifer.
  • Dr. Linda Martin played by Rachel Harris – A therapist we meet while working the case in episode one, she eventually becomes the Dr. Melfi to Lucifer’s Tony Soprano. Lucifer pays for the session in all night dick sessions. Note from the author: Rachel Harris is low key foxy as fuck bruh. 


Explain it!

Sweet Kicks sets shit off at some dumb ass LA fashion show for a cornball sneaker designer named Benny Choi that kind of looks like something out of the Kanye West spank back. The room is filed with the kind of assholes who would drop $6k on a pair of kicks, just imagine the Turtle from Entourage but ethnic. Lucifer and Maze are kicking it live right in the front row when some Bulgarian model gives Lucifer the bedroom eyes and he takes that as a cue to follow honeydip back stage to try and knock them boots. While Lucifer is trying to get a digit in all hell breaks loose and fuckers start busting shots into the crowd. This leaves one dead and lots of fear that a gang war my pop off.

As with all high profile Los Angeles crimes, Chloe Decker is on the scene, for a detective that starts the season off on the shit list, Chloe somehow lands a fuck load of major cases. Lucifer meets with Chloe's captain to discuss the aforementioned shooting, uses his power of persuasion to find out what the Captain wants, (shocker, she wants POWER!!) she wants to become commissioner) and convinces her that he can make that happen, if she lets him stay on as a citizen liaison that works exclusively with Chloe. Chloe is wicked pissed about said arrangement because Lucifer is kind of a dick and she tends to hate fun.

Of course Lucifer has connects with the Benny Choi (yeah he did Benny a favor back in the day that lead directly to his success and I am sure this won't somehow tie into the murders - Lucifer is like a slightly less charming Robert Evans bruh).  Lucifer and Chloe swing by Benny's loft (he is a street artist so he has to have a tricked out loft, it is part of the street artists union benefits, he also has a body guard who is a former marine and a pig named pig diddy - Benny Choi is a fucking asshole). Lucifer
 calls in his favor and gets Benny to risk his street creed and snitch on the shooters. I am calling bullshit here, there is no way homeboy has a lick of street creed, he is a reformed goth kid that got into hip hop about 3 years ago when Drake started popping off with that softbatch bullshit that 16 year old girls and 34 year old music critics adore, but that's besides the point. Benny rats out the Latin Kings which gives Lucifer a semi-chub because he is dying to witness a gang war.

To celebrate the big break in the case and Lucifer becoming a de facto cop, Lucifer convinces Chloe to swing by a cop bar for a few shots of exposition. Here we learn why the entire force hates Chloe, turns out she snitched on a dirty cop and the rest of the shitbag cops decide that thats fucked up and she deserves the cold shoulder.  Well Lucifer ain't having it and he lives the American Dream by knocking a fat faced asshole cop the fuck out. 

Maze and Amenadeil both swiped to the right and decided to get some coffee and hatch a plan to get what they both want, which is getting Lucifer back to ruling shit in Hell right?  No way they want to fuck real bad. Maze informs Amenadeil that Lucifer has been telling Dr. Martin all his secrets, and that she might be willing to spill them if he was down to break her off with some sweet angel cock.  The bedroom eyes and sexual tension between these two is palpable.

So that evening Amenadeil sets the penis trap for Dr. Martin, Maze tries to talk Lucifer out of his stupid idea to play cop, and he essential tells her to fuck off and know her role.

The next day, Lucifer and Chloe roll up on the leader of the Latin Kings and his old lady who set back latinos on TV about 20 years with dialogue ripped from a 1983 after school special warning parents about the evils of breakdancing. The Latin Kings push the story along, it seems the woman killed at Benny Choi's show was the leader of the Latin King's cousin, and he point the finger at Benny's former graffiti partner Yellow Viper. Apparently Benny ratted out Yellow Viper saving his own ass on some breaking and entering charges. Well Yellow Viper is out on parole and supposedly he is pissed the fuck off about Benny getting all this shine while he was in literal prison and the figurative prison of having a vaguely racist nickname. Regardless the race is on, if the Latin Kings find Yellow Viper first, well that's his ass.

Chloe gets a call that there has been a murder at Benny Choi's loft space, turns out someone offed Pig Diddy and Benny didn't know who to call because "ain't no 911 for pets". Lucifer let's Benny know that Yellow Viper is out, Benny had no idea, but he lays down the case for Yellow Viper killing the pig, that being "Yall dont know him like I do, Yellow Viper is fierce" - Oooooh Mary!!!!!!

Amenadeil pops in to Dr. Martin's office, chats her up, asks her out for a drink and drops some innuendo, Dr. Martin get all worked up and decides to to take him up.

Lucifer and Chloe drop in on Yellow Viper, turns out he is teaching art to kids, the lesson as always "remember, tagging don't mean nothing if it doesn't come from here (pointing to his heart)". Yellow Viper tells Chloe and Lucifer to "step off" and who decides to drive their cars through the halls of the community center to roll up on Yellow Viper, you guessed it, the Latin Kings!!! And Chloe and Lucifer are stuck in the middle. Lucky for them Lucifer is quick on his feet, he distracts the Kings long enough for Yellow Viper to get the kids out of the building before shit blows up. Then the lights flicker, and Maze comes through and fucks shit up, she beats the fuck out of the Latin Kings Liam Neeson style.

For some reason Yellow Viper sticks around, he has the gun used to kill old girl at the sneaker show in his gym bag and he is cuffed and thrown in the back of Chloe's cruiser. Lucky for Yellow Viper, Chloe has that same doubt in her gut that lead her to snitch out the detective back in the day. Lucifer, who is game for anything, eggs her on, convincing her to trust her gut! 

Chloe realized it was Benny all along, Benny is a fucking hack, Yellow Viper was the talent, and now that he was out Benny was worried that Yellow Viper would blow up his spot. So he let his bodyguard, who is a former marine sniper, lick off some shots at the show. He was supposed to miss everyone but accidentally killed old girl. Benny also had him kill Pig Diddy. Shit is foul. 

Another week, another convoluted case, it's like these writers have never heard of Occam's Razor before.

One last thing before we go into the new "next week on" segment, we zoom in on Chloe, she passed out on the couch reading US Weekly or some shit. The music is forboding, and oh shit!!! Maze is all up in her crib, she is getting right in her face, are they going to kiss?  Nope, Maze lets us see her demon form, Chloe wakes up, freaked the fuck out and Maze is gone. In the words of Ghostface "Since the face been revealed game got real!"

Bits and Pieces:
This was probably the worst episode of Lucifer to date. The writing of the "gangbangers" was downright offensive as well as racist as fuck. It was remedial ass street slang, the gangsters talked the way your racist uncles talk when they learn you like rap music, all stupid fucking hand gestures and over accented slang they picked up from the McDonald's commercial where Chicken Nuggets rap and shit.

They are relying way to heavy on the case of the week angle and really taking their sweet fucking time rolling out the good shit. I hope they step up some character development over the next few weeks or I am going to have to dip on this shit. Tom Ellis' charm and Lauren German's perfect lips can only carry shit so fucking far bruh. 
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