Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Lucifer Season 1 Episode 6 “Favorite Son” Review and **SPOILERS**

Director: Eriq La Salle
Writer: Alex Katsnelson
Release Date: February 29, 2016 

Let’s catch up!

Not only was last week’s episode borderline offensive and racist it was also boring as shit! Case of the week bullshit with boilerplate ethnic gangs, two dimensional crime victims/participants that meanders all over the place. I checked out on about 3 minutes in, note to the writers, scrap this case of the week bullshit. Find one season long crime for these assholes to investigate, let spend some quality time with the cast and most importantly, let’s get into to who the fuck Lucifer is and what the fuck his deal is. At this point am hoping the writers are stalling with this time consuming/corny as fuck case of the week bullshit and holding on to the good Lucifer story shit for sweeps week.

If not? Well then I will be the fuck up out of this bitch and you should be too.. You can always hop over to Sleepy Hollow to see case of the week mixed with occult/supernatural done proper bruh.

Programing note: From here until eternity or eventual cancelation I will be calling Lucifer, Luci, because it makes me laugh.

Explain it!

Tonight we set it off at Lux, Luci’s swanky dance club that feels like the kind of place the cast of General Hospital would hang out. Instead of shit popping off live, everyone is in hyper chill mode while Luci acts out his Billy Joel piano man fantasy.

Sure He can tickle the ivories aight but his voice leaves a lot to be desired. You would think the fool who broke off Robert Johnson would have better ear for song selection.  NOPE! This asshole when all shittier version of Barry Manilow. Lux seems like the world’s worst night club. If you were at a night club, shit even a bar, and the owner decided to serve as the entertainment for the evening forcing everyone to quietly sit around while he abuses their ears with his pitchy as fuck voice, you would fucking bounce right?  Where the fuck is Randy Jackson when you need his belly band having ass?

While this bullshit is popping of at Lux, someone is trying to steal some shit from a storage unit warehouse that we later learn is used to store good for the criminal element of the greater Los Angeles area. At least until the out of shape/semi-retired guard, who picked up the night shift because some pharma bro asshole jacked up the price of his heart meds, decides to roll on this fool.

First off, security guards do not get paid enough to intervene, I don’t care how much they love their job or feel all Dolph Lundgren tough. Old man Johnson ain’t stepping to the shady dude driving the fork lift trying to boost storage containers. My guess is that he would just pretend he didn’t see that shit and walk down isle 10 instead. $15 an hour is not worth getting your life snuffed out to protect some rich broad’s old furs.

Meanwhile Chloe is giving some fool the third degree, pouring it on thick, all up in the perps face, she is going to break this asshole and get the confession no doubt….only turns out is her adorable scamp of a daughter Beatrice, who refuses to admit she stole some chocolate cake despite having a face covered with the evidence. Chloe’s ex Dan is up in the spot as well, apparently despite being divorced they are still hanging out to make it easier on Beatrice. Danny boy, you just got bumped to the friendzone bro.  How long until Chloe meets someone new dude and asks you to stay the weekend while she heads up to the Catalina Wine Mixer for some romance? 

Dan doesn’t help matters by taking the kid’s side and undercutting Chloe. I get that she kicked you to the curb and you are hurting but parenting 101 is presenting a unified front brohammer. So stop being a vindictive assholes about it. Turns out that he is also going to have to miss Taco Tuesday for some work shit which triggers Chloe, cause the whole reason you guys split up was because you work to much Dan.


Back at Lux, Luci turns down a chance at a foursome with Maze and some rando blondes with shitty implants to go play policeman with Chloe who is on the scene at the warehouse where the night watchman got murked. Luci is bored with the case because it turns out homeboy wasn’t a celebrity and like all good Americans he only gives a shit when someone famous dies. I bet you he even tweets about how much Bob Denver, or whatever fucking rando celeb who kicks the bucket years after he is useful in Hollywood dies, meant to him while growing up with an neglectful absentee father who cared more about the other kids than his own first son.

So Luci heads back to Lux to see if he can still get in on that hot group play sesh. Too bad, so sad hombre, Maze turned them bitches out and kicked them to the curb. Oh and she has a message for him, the crate that was stolen, was his, and from the look on his face it had some crazy valuable ass shit in it. 

So Luci comes back, hat in hand and charms his way back on the case, tells Chlo-dog that the killer knicked his crate. Chloe immediately starts prying. Chill Chloe, play it cool. Nobody likes a needy Nelly. Luci, being the smart deity that he is teases Chloe with non-answers and sly grins, eventually telling her it’s his priceless collection of Russian dolls (who knew my grandmother has so much in common with the devil?). This once again causes Chloe’s trust issues to flare up and she is convinced that he is part of some criminal empire. I mean he has the club that deals in cash, keeps his good in the warehouse that the mob uses to store fenced items and knows maddddd criminals. Homeboy has to be dirty right? 

So Chloe sends her dishrag of an ex, Dan over to Lux to check the books. At Lux Dan encounters Maze who looks at Dan like she is going to yank it off, but Dan, being that asshole that he is, turns down a love making sesh with hell’s hottest demon becaaaaaauuuuussssssse???  I guess he thinks he still has a chance with Chloe, but we, the viewer know, that it’s just a matter of time before she shacks up with Luci and starts making those weekend trips to Catalina. Dan might as well bone down with Maze, maybe he can even wife her.  Then all four of them can play bridge or some shit. Anyway, Maze knocks Dan the fuck out and drops him off at Chloe’s place. 

Dan wakes up naked, in Chloe’s bed (which for some reason is in the living room) right as Chlo-zone is coming home with the Beatrice.  Dan does what any non-creep asshole would do and hides his naked ass in his daughter’s room and then buys her silence with chocolate cake. 

Know who we haven’t checked in on yet?  Dr. Linda Martin. When we first see Dr. Linda she is really trying to get Luci to look at himself, seriously bro! LOOK AT YOURSELF! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY???  Obviously Luci isn’t having any of that bullshit, so he storms the fuck off without paying Dr. Linda for her services with the $dick.99 her promised her in episode one.

Luci leaves in a huff, Dr. Linda is all like “What the fuck?” and then there is a knock on the door, Dr. Linda thinks it is going to be Luci, turns out it is Amenadiel in his doctor disguise from last week. He offers to lend Dr. Linda an ear and now that he has complete phase one of his plan to get Luci back to hell by earning Dr. Linda’s trust, he puts phase two into motion by dropping hella bible science on Dr. Linda and suggesting that she stop acting like Luci is pretending to be Satan, and act like he really is.

Dan fresh off of scarring his daughter for life, returns to Lux in one of Chloe’s Juicy Couture sweat suits, and confronts Maze. She is all “I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about, but here’s them books you were looking for”.

Meanwhile Chloe and Luci are investigating the murder/theft of Luci’s shit. They shake down a few low level informant types which leads us to the El Diablo motorcycle club which is run by this week’s red herring, Tom Sizemore. Turns out Tom is trying to make the club legit, so when Luci and Chloe drop the bomb on him that one of his people is fucking that plan up, he has to take action. This in turn leads our heroes to the killer, who blasts Tommy S in the guts and breaks the fuck out.  Luci and Chloe give chase, Luci corners the killer on a roof top in the soon to be gentrified warehouse district, breaks out his scary devil face, and the killer leaps off the roof, rather than facing the devil.

Case closed, Luci’s crate is recovered and Chloe forces him to show her the goods. They open the crate, and we see what appears to be the arc of the covenant. LUCI GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! LAST TIME THAT THING WAS OPEN IT KILLED HELLA NAZIS BY MELTING THEIRFACES!  Suspenseful music swells, Luci opens the crate, and what the fuck?  It’s filled with all sorts of Russian dolls, just like Luci said. This satisfies the curiosity or LA’s worst detective and she breaks the fuck out. Once the coast is clear, Luci opens the hidden room in the crate and the real booty is gone.

We close out the show with Luci having a meltdown at Dr. Linda’s spot, punching a whole in her wall like a roided-out-after-school-special-Ben-Affleck, returning to the Lux, downing some shots and letting Maze know that some fools stole his severed angel wings.


Bits and Pieces:
Tonight’s episode was directed by Eriq La Salle, yeah Soul Glo Eriq La Salle


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