Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Flash: The Trial of the Flash - Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Lauren Certo and Kristen Kim

Directed By: Phil Chipera

First Aired: January 16, 2018

When we last left team Flash shit was kind of dark. Barry was set up and arrested for the murder of Devoe aka The Thinker (worst meta name ever), who managed to shift his consciousness into a meta that has the power of second sight.  

Caitlin stated to embrace her colder side, Cisco was just Cisco-ing all over the place. Ralph was being fucking awesome. Joe was drunk, his wife Cecile was with child, and Iris was becoming the most compelling character on the show.  Also, we had a secondary villain this season named Amunet who is played by Katie Sackett of Battlestar Gallactica fame was way fucking better than this brainiac gimp fucker Devoe.  If you want to get caught up you can read the last episode recap here.

Overall the first half of the season was pretty good.  Barry managed to not be a super dick the whole time and there was some compelling and unexpected characters developing unfortunately the old standbys like Harrison and Cisco faded into shittiness. 

Caught up?  Good, let's get to last night's episode "The Trial of the Flash"....SPOILER ALERT! It fucking sucked. 

Explain It:

I can't believe we waited a month for this boring ass pseudo-emotional bullshit, with a shoehorned in meta of the week.  What a waste of a fucking hour. 

As you know Barry was framed by the smartest man in the history of smart men. A man who like our super athletic definitely in good shape and totally sane president is playing 28 dimensional chess while team Flash is throwing poop at the wall and calling it art. 

Barry has the opportunity to save everyone he loves some serious heartache, and do something that is for once not a predictable asshole move that puts the entire multiverse at risk because he is feeling some sort of way about people knowing he is the Flash.  Iris, who has become the show's best character and Cecile who is serving as Barry's counsel come up with a killer plan to bring The Thinker and his old lady down. JUST OWN UP TO BEING THE FUCKING FLASH BRO!!!! 

Barry balks at this sound legal advice and sets up an unnecessary 13 episode countdown to Barry learning an important lesson that he will quickly forget the second he is squeezed next season and everyone else will just go the fuck along with it because he is Barry. Fucking super heroes, always talking about not putting their loved ones in danger. After a century of comics and shit, haven't they learned that their secret fucking IS what puts the people they love at the most risk and causes them the most loss?  Fucking selfish narcissistic assholes. 

Anyway, Barry decides to try and slut shame The Thinker's wife Marlize, which is definitely a tone deaf move in this #metoo moment we are currently living in.  Of course Marlize turns it around on Barry and the jury is sympathetic to this fine ass woman in her sexual prime. Of course she is going to go get some strange if her husband is physically incapable of satisfying her. Plus based on The Thinker's sweater vests and the hidden sex dungeon/lair they have in their basement, you know they are all about that poly life. 

Long story short, Barry is convicted for 1st degree murder and gets sent to Iron Heights where he ends up in his father's cell. I suppose this is supposed to illicit some emotions and bring everything full circle. It doesn't. It is fucking corny. 

Also, there is a meta named 3 Myles Island or some shit who has nuclear powers and is accidentally giving heads radiation poisoning. Barry leaves his fucking trial to send his radiation to earth 15. 

The Thinker, in his new and improved body also has the second sight that the original meta had, so not only is he the smartest person ever, he also knows what you are thinking. Good luck beating that shit by running fast you jailbird asshole.  

Barry Allen is so fucking infuriating!!


Every fucking season, we could end the major crisis before it starts if Barry just stopped being an asshole. And without fail this fucking dickhole does the wrong thing and people die. Remember Zoom?  They had Zoom locked away dying on another earth, but Barry couldn't leave well enough alone and decided to open the portal to save someone, I believe it was Joe. In return hundreds died on our earth and god knows how many of millions died on earth 2. Was it worth it for one life Barry? WHEN THE FUCK WILL YOU LEARN.

This show needs a major reboot, right now the only interesting characters are Iris, Caitlin, Ralph and Joe. The Flash could really benefit by taking the model used in Halt and Catch Fire where they realized early that the main characters were kind of retread stiffs and followed the more interesting story line of the two female leads. How much more interesting is the Flash if you take Iris' growing confidence, leadership, and street smarts and couple it with two morally compromised heroes and an alcoholic cop?  Instead we get stuck with wanna be Alpha Barry and his bestie Cisco who has turned into a total douche after hooking up with some earth 2 tracker tail. You can tell that dude has has like 10 copies of The Game at his crib and totally is into "negging" women in hopes to get some. 

Anyway, what a shit show of an episode, hopefully they come back strong next week since the episode is about Ralph. 

Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:

I might have to change the name of this segment of the article to "Oh my god Barry wasn't a shit head for once" it would definitely save us all a lot of time and effort. 


1 comment:

  1. What this show needs is for asshole future Barry to come back saying "You think I wouldn't remember defeating myself, dumbass?" before killing weak emo Barry in season 2 and taking his place for a beauty of a flashback (title?) reboot.