Monday, October 14, 2013

Top 5 "Things We've Discovered In The New 52"

Happy Columbus Day!

So we decided that since it's Columbus Day to do something to continue the lies of Columbus, and how he was a great man. No god no..... No we will not be doing that, but that being said when you think of Columbus Day you think of Discovery, and that's what we're focusing on today.  So let's get on with the list.

#5.  Green Lantern is Gay?

  Now by the time the New 52 started, I had stopped reading comics, and was a little out of the loop.  The last thing I had read was the beginning of Blackest Night.  But then I heard that this New 52 was going to be doing something I loved, and found myself back at my comic shop, wanting to pick it up; Earth 2.  I love Golden Age heroes, so I had to get this title.  But then all the news stations started covering a story "Green Lantern is Gay".  I finally found out what they were talking about because I thought as most immediately thought, "Hal Jordan is gay?  How does that make sense?"  But who they were talking about was Allen Scott, the original Green Lantern.  Since he was being recreated all his old continuity was retconned, and we have the all new, young, gay, telecommunication president Allen Scott.  Just his origin story alone, should make people want to read this title, it was amazing.  But a lot of people really didn't respect the change, and talked a lot of shit about the re imagining.  All I have to say is, the character is great, and passionate.  That's all that should matter.

#4. Superman's Kissing Who?

Now reading comics most of my life, this little bit of young romance threw me for a loop.  "Superman loves Lois!" my fanboy side of me screamed out.  "How can he do this to her?  What about Steve Trevor?  He doesn't deserve this."  I'm pretty sure I was more outraged than if I found out my own girlfriend was making out with somebody.  But like I said "Fanboy".  Well after all the tantrums had stopped I looked at this and just thought about the possibilities.  Obviously DC was doing the same, because for a second there it seemed that the whole of the DC Universe would shake because of that kiss.  Hell even Booster Gold went AWOL because of it.  But this seemed to be put on the back burner with The Throne of Atlantis, Trinity War, and now Forever Evil.  It's funny because of all the build up surrounding this, I haven't heard anything really to continue the story.  Yeah they're together that's it for now.  Anyway maybe we'll get back into it with the new Superman/Wonder Woman title, or as I call it Young Romance Vol. 2.

#3. What the Hell is A Simon Baz?

Come on.  Another Earth Green Lantern, why?  Yup I remember thinking that back at the first anniversary of the New 52.  Zero Issue Month brought us the newest of the Green Lanterns.  Simon Baz, the ski mask wearing, handgun toting Green Lantern.  At first I only read this because I was a Green Lantern fan, and I had a bit of faith in Geoff Johns.  Now I find myself thinking "Why doesn't Simon Baz have his own title?"  This character came from a strange place, a muslim, suspected terrorist, car thief.  But we were given this information to teach us a lesson. Don't judge motherfuckers.  Good lesson.  This character quickly fell into our hearts, especially when paired with B'dg, and as soon as he came in, it seemed he quickly left.  Yeah he's a part of the JLA, but he is more unused, and useless than Katana in this title.  "Not to say that I want more Katana, please don't add more Katana!"  I was really hoping, that during the creative team change through out the Green Lantern titles, that Simon would take over the Green Lantern title and Hal, and John would take over Corps.  No what I got was Hal being an asshole, and Simon pretty much being forgotten about.  Oh Well.  We have the character, and hopefully we'll see a Simon & B'dg title in the future.

#2. Marriage is Wrong, But Killing Children is Fine.

Now with all the controversy lately with Bat Woman getting married, and DC's stance on single superheroes, you have to wonder, why is marriage wrong, and children dying okay?  Damian Wayne died in Batman Incorporated #8, and I was devastated.  Yeah we've heard up and down about this because you know what?  It shocked the damn world.  We've seen a Robin die before, but this was a little pumpkin headed ten year old boy.  Also I had just started liking him in the New 52, and I want him back.  Now I can't see any good way to do this, so I'll just keep my mouth shut.  But this is a hell of discovery right?  Marriage = Bad, Dead Children = Good.  I don't know, but it was a hell of a turning point for the Batman books.  At first this was a good thing, but now we're stuck with a Batman and Robin title, that isn't a Batman and Robin title.  I just really wanted this on the list because I haven't been able to bitch about it for awhile, So I guess it's out of my system for at least a week.  See you next list Damian.

#1. Thomas, and Martha Wayne are Terrible People.

So our entire life we knew Batman's parents as saintly people that did charitable work for the community, and were loving parents.  So the New 52 comes out, and Scott Snyder introduced a character for his Court of the Owls story line; Lincoln March.  AKA Thomas Wayne Jr.  Now we find out that the Waynes sent this child away to live in a home, and never told anybody, not even Bruce about him.  Then they die, and the charitable donations they sent to the home, to make sure they're unwanted child was cared for stopped.  So the home's budget dwindled down, until it became a home for mentally ill children, where the staff abused the residents.  This bothered the hell out of me when it came out.  "You can't say these things about Mr. and Mrs Wayne!  Blasphemy!"  I just wanted to forget this story ever happened, and it seemed for a time that DC wanted to as well, because we haven't heard a word about it since.  But now we have the new Owl Man who essentially is Lincoln, and I really can't say that this was a lie made up by the Owls to fuck over Batman anymore.  So what we're left with is, Batman has a psycho younger brother, and his parents weren't worth the sacrifice of becoming Batman.

So there you have it.  This concludes my list on "Things We've Discovered In The New 52".  Now maybe you have other ideas about what were bigger discoveries, and if you do leave a comment, and we'll talk about it.  Until the next list, and appropriate holidays that inspire them.  Happy Columbus Day

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