Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Aquaman #6 Review and **SPOILERS**

DC Comics Open

Written By: Dan Abnett
Art By: Brad Walker, Andrew Hennessey. Gabe Eltaeb
Lettered By: Pat Brosseau
Cover Price: $2.99
On Sale Date: September 7, 2016


Here’s some reasonably entertaining clips from Adult Swim’s Robot Chicken, all about Aquaman.

And now, my review of Aquaman #6!

Explain It!

Now concluding the story arc that might have been titled “A Shitty Hour of Aquaman’s Life,” Superman himself stands between Arthur, Mera and the water where, let’s face it, it’s the only place he feels like a man. Aquaman is like “What, are you the President’s stooge now?” and Superman is like, “Uhh, always been a stooge, dude. What did you think ‘the American Way’ was all about?” And of course, they start fighting. How do I pad this out? That’s all that happens, for the rest of the issue: Aquaman clobbers Superman one way, Superman clobbers him back, then Mera shows up and clobbers Superman…it’s like a weird three-way tennis match, or some version of Roller Derby where the participants are also the game piece. Superman is all “I know the Atlantean army is coming!” and Arthur is like “Well, you did lock up their king, bro!” and all this talking happens while they fight. Frankly, if this was more a mixed martial arts affair, it might be more interesting. But this is one of those fights where every connected punch makes the other person ricochet for a hundred yards or more. I suppose this solves the age-old question: can Aquaman, Mera, and Superman punch each other a lot? And the answer is: yes. Yes, they can.

The Chief of Staff who had a real hard-on for Atlantis two issues ago is yelling at Superman through an earpiece, telling him to take Arthur down, but we know Supes isn’t about to do that. So they wallop each other some more, while Superman is all “hey let’s end this peacefully,” and Arthur is like “let me get to the water so I can actually resolve this conflict,” and god, this just goes on for-fucking-ever. It’s unbelievable, really. Ten minutes of actual progression in twenty pages. This story obviously had no intention of being anything but successive opportunities for Aquaman slobber knockers. And it just goes on and on. Eventually, the Atlantean army shows up, and it looks pretty damned awesome I must say, all techno-beastly with air- and land-based components. Arthur tells the…general, I suppose? Arthur tells Tula to stand down, and the army retreats. Superman tells Aquaman, “Fix this. Or else.”

Meanwhile in Antarctica, King Fisher is telling Black Manta that, to join, N.E.M.O., he’s got to tow the line and listen to orders. No personal agendas allowed here, no sir, this is a tightly-organized conspiracy that’s got no time for slackers or naysayers. So Black Manta kills him and takes the throne, to everyone’s shock but ours.

This is just an abomination. I can’t believe this story costs six bucks a month to read. If you charged by actual story developments, it would cost a quarter. I mean, #2 was nearly an entire issue of just Aquaman fighting Black Manta, and that didn’t work—now they’ve done essentially the same thing again! And it still doesn’t work! It’s cheap, it’s lazy, and I think this kind of storytelling is unconscionable. You’re not getting paid by the word, make something happen. And if this is some attempt to write for the trade, well you’ve just made a very boring and meaningless trade collection.

Bits and Pieces:

The pointless conclusion to a meaningless, meandering story. Some great artwork is all that saves this book's score from being a vertical line. Superman's in it, but you won't like his inclusion. Tune in next week when we have an entire issue of Aquaman making a pot of coffee.



Unknown said...

3 no way this issue was great this was Arthur's boiling point he been trying to do the right thing agian and agian to have it blow up in his face and seeingsuperman someone who should be his friend not even try and see his side of things it felt right the mention of mr.gendry and his clearly vilian aditude makes me think of multiversity but im sure it wont go that way only negative was black manta and the leader of nemo that wad dumb overall id say about a 6

Anonymous said...

The writers on this site are basically fanboys, and the review is barely a review, it's more of a rant you'd see on 4chan. You can barely tell what the writer is trying to actually say about the issue, because he's too busy throwing a tantrum.

Anonymous said...

Like, here's a negative review that's actually at least coherent and puts up decent points:

Unknown said...

"This site sucks! You should totally check out this review on this other obscure website!"


Unknown said...

Good luck with your website reviews while you throw your fellow reviewers under the bus. Jim would consider that a great business move.

Unknown said...

Damnnnnn Reggie, your review was harsh. I smell what you are cooking but I want fewer words in my comics not more. Fewer words gave me more time to stare at the shapes and colors. Seeing Aquaman finally letting his frustrations out on Supes was great as well. Poor Molwark.

Reggie Hemingway said...

I would have liked it more if they weren't chit-chatting while fighting the whole time! It's a shtick practiced earlier in this series that rings untrue and unnecessarily pads out the story.

Reggie Hemingway said...

There's a syntax error in the first sentence of the Aquaman review at that link. The second sentence seems to name the wrong comic, calling it Rebirth instead of Aquaman. Didn't read any further than that! Looks like you should leave the reviewing to the "fanboys!"

Jim Werner said...

I think you missed the important bit of news at that link..."Ravi Fernandez" is doing art on Nightwing.

Hey anonymous, you are right...we are fanboysinc who are emotional about the DC comics so sometimes we get excited negatively and positively. We don't just show up now and again to do "rapid fire reviews" because Rebirth is the hot ticket right now. Where were they when I was reviewing Katana and Klarion??? WHERE WERE THEY????? AHHGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Unknown said...

Ah yea hey anon i definitely dont agree with reggies review in fact i disagree with most of his but that hardly makes him fan boying this site isnt some money maker they do it becuase they want to now i know reggies style is to my liking so a book he might like i might skip a book he gives a low score i might checkout and jim & erics are more in line with my tatse buti have disagreed with them too to come on to their website and talk shit just makes you look like a tool

Jim Werner said...

lol...I would say that the best thing I can say about Eric, Reggie and myself is we don't "have" to like or hate a book and everyone should know by now that we don't have some evil plan with how we review things. The only thing you can know 100% is that if Reggie says he hates a book, he hates it. Nothing more, nothing less. One of the things that I like about our podcast is that it lets the others give their opinions on the books to give a varied look at things.

Rick Mills said...

I forced myself to put aside my bias and try reading an arc. I’m glad I did. I’ve always viewed Aquaman as a joke. Getting to see him go toe to toe with Superman was all I needed to be all in. Still not a great issue, but enough to make me want to see what else Aquaman can do as long as its more than making a pot of coffee!

Jim Werner said...

Go back and read geoff johns' first arc of new 52!