Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Aquaman #9 Review and **SPOILERS**

Arthur Really Hates Having to Ask For Directions, Too

Writer: Dan Abnett 
Penciller: Scot Eaton 
Inker: Wayne Faucher 
Colorist: Gabe Eltaeb 
Letterer: Pat Brosseau 
Cover: Brad Walker, Andrew Hennessy & Gabe Eltaeb 
Cover Price: $2.99 
On Sale Date: October 19, 2016


I think GPS improved my parents’ marriage. Way back in the Long Ago, when people had to write directions on paper and follow unfoldable maps that were free (useless) or purchasable (useful) from roadside gas station, my parents got lost while driving roughly 98% of the time. Firstly, you have to understand that directions given by a human being are invariably terrible, because humans don’t always remember silly things like exit numbers or street names or whether a given location still actually exists. “You take the interstate to the exit for Iskabibble’s Place, then hang a left at the Dunkin’ Donuts and bear right near the big tree.” Another reason most car trips led to my parents’ near divorce is because my father never trusted the crummy directions as given. He’d be reading along, executing every move as described, and then he’d mutter, “this can’t be right.” An hour later we’re five states off course and the engine is knocking like a bill collector. Then, many years back, we were on the way to my cousin’s wedding and getting lost as usual, when I pulled up GPS on my phone and told them, “follow this.” And now they only fight about important, relationship-ending things! One relationship that will never falter, despite Jim’s wishes, is Aquaman and Mera. Say, I wonder what they’re up to now? Let’s find out!
Explain It!

When Shaggy Man is on the loose! 
You’d better protect your own caboose! 
Because Shaggy don’t care who he’s chuckin’! 
Or whatever drain pipe you might be stuck in! 
A synthetic Big Foot that can’t be stopped! 
When you see Shaggy Man–– 
You’re gonna make plops!

Well, it sounds better in my head.
So despite the Atlantean military doing the same stuff they did last issue, Shaggy Man cannot be swayed from his destructive rampage towards Amnesty Bay, by way Atlantis. Every time they seem to gain some ground, Shaggy Man’s synthetic plastalloy (yes! I’m calling it! I don’t care if it hasn’t been mentioned yet!) learns how to compensate and he comes back stronger than ever. Finally, Shaggy Man makes land at Amnesty Bay and immediately starts tearing shit apart. Like, there’s not even a second’s pause, he leaps up on land and instantly throws an oil truck down the street.
Let’s check in on the Tower of the Widowhood, where would-be Queen Mera is learning the proper doilies to use for different government functions. Mera is concerned about her hubby and the calamitous noise emanating from the city, but crusty Mother Cetera tells her that a proper lady must discretely dispose of her bile in a lace kerchief when she gets heartburn. She points out that Mera didn’t behave very diplomatically when Arthur was being held by the NSA last issue, and that’s when she lets it drop that the Widowhood sees all intelligence reports from Atlantis. Mera is like, “whatever, I know my man,” and they go on to the next trial: take the baked bean slide into a wading pool full of Jell-O cubes! At Amnesty Bay, Aquaman is taking a real beating—like, his face is all purple and lumpy type beating—while all around him equal amounts of people cheer and denounce him. Like, literally one person in a panel will be like “yayy Aquaman!” and then the person next to them will be like “boo Aquaman, you bring danger to Amnesty Bay!” So people are divided when it comes to Aquaman, I guess they’re saying.
Aquaman tries to fight Shaggy Man and does some life-saving while he’s at it, but it doesn’t seem to slow the synthetic furball down. Murk shows up, and is able to stun Shaggy Man, but only further enrages it into more mayhem. Murk says Aquaman’s got to call his buddies in the Justice League, but Arthur doesn’t wanna because Superman hurt his feelings! He pulls out his membership card while Murk tells him he doesn’t need to feel like a lesser hero just because he needs to call heroes that are way more powerful and better overall, and that’s when Aquaman gets a brilliant idea! He attacks Shaggy Man, then does some kind of voice override on his Justice League card that teleports Shaggy Man to outer space when Aquaman jams it in his fur. Seems like a pretty crummy feature, don’t you think? I mean, I guess it came in handy, but it also sounds like this could be used to zap Batman into the void whenever he got too lippy. Aquaman collapses in the street, but the real damage is done: Aquaman is no longer a member of the Justice League. Which, considering how the comic book is going right now, is probably a good idea.
So yeah! Two issues and done with the story! I like it a lot! I wouldn’t call this issue jam-packed with intrigue, and it didn’t need to be. Shaggy Man is dispensed of after committing the proper comic book-approved level of disproportionate damage to everything, we find out how people on the surface are feeling about Arthur Curry, and we got to watch Mera talk back to her school marm. Okay, that wasn’t the most exciting part, but everything else I thoroughly liked and felt totally engaged the whole time. Some ramifications from the first arc, teases for more tales to be told…this is finger lickin’ comic books! But seriously, don’t lick your fingers when you read my comics. 

Bits and Pieces: 

A nice wrap up to a story primarily about the destruction of public property. There's some character development, we learn a little more about the mysterious Widowhood that are training Mera to be a Queen, and...Shaggy Man! Do I really need to say more? Shaggy Man throws an oil truck! I don't usually put spoilers in here but you should know that's like the least of the damage he causes! I had a great time with this two-part story and I encourage more comics to take this lead.



  1. Replies
    1. Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing a month of variants in this movie poster/pulp novel style!

  2. Indeed! The variant cover is gorgeous! I would have this pôster in my living room