Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Flash Season 3 Episode 3 “Magenta" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Judalina Neira and David Kob 
Directed By: Armen V. Kevorkian (gotta be a made up name, its too awesome to be real)
First Aired: October 18, 2016

Last week was super duty tough work. The episode was bad ass as fuck. Barry got all cool and shit again. The gang was back on the same page. Cisco was kind of sad still but I think he is coming around to the understanding that the rest of us had which is this, Dante was wack as fuck and the world is better without him. Draco Malfoy now shares Barry's lab and there is an awesome new villain named Alchemy. 

Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings. 

Explain It:
While tonight's episode wasn't as good as last week's episode it was still a very solid effort. We start off with Barry and Iris on their first date, which is hella awkward because they are treating their relationship like a regular relationship where people meet for the first time and get to know each other over dinner, but these two have known each other since they were kids and should just jump to the love making. Everything is easier once you get the love making out of the way, unless of course Barry is into getting his balls twisted or something (which is a very distinct possibility). We also learn that dating a superhero sucks because they are constantly on call. Within minutes of starting their date at the "generic expensive restaurant osteria" Barry is called to stop a bank robbery and then they are both called back to HQ. 

Back at the lab (without a mic to grab) one of the portals to Earth 2 is opening up, the posse is strapped and ready to take out whatever villainous asshole pops out. 


He also brings along his daughter Jesse who seems to have manifested some speedster qualities since she was blasted with the dark matter at the end of season 2. This revelation makes Wally hella sad for some reason. 

After a brief reunion we are brought into the cliche part of town where blue collar types have grey homes and beat on their foster kids. However, in a truly effective turn, this foster kid has some sweet as super powers and decides to turn the tables on blue collar foster dad (I don't remember any of these people's names because they are blue collar and don't matter to east coast elites like myself, so lets just call him Stan, that seems blue collar-ish enough). 

Over at the police precinct, Joe and Barry are interviewing the foster kid aka Magenta to try and figure out how a street light ended up taking out Stan in the living room. They are at a fucking loss until Draco Malfoy comes in and drops science about the trajectory or some other nerd shit. Turns out he is onto Magenta. This stresses her to the point that she starts using her sMagneto powers to try and kill Malfoy (sorry Magentz, if Harry Potter couldn't do it what makes you think your meta of the week ass has a chance?). Lucky for Malfoy the dark lord aka Barry Allen aka Flash, comes in and saves his ass. 

Meanwhile at Star Labs, Harry recruits Caitlyn to talk Jesse out her her speedster dreams. She tries, fails, and Harry tries to run roughshod over her. Little does Harry know, that this is ain't season two Caitlyn, they are actually writing quality dialogue and story for her this year, so she gives it right back and drops science on his ass. 

Meanwhile Wally is still sad because he doesn't have any super powers outside of his sweet ass shirt game. 

Barry and Iris try another date. This time Barry whisks Iris away to what looks like Vancouver or some shit. And just as they are about to get all romantic the meta alert goes off and he has to go back to Central City leaving Iris in Vancouver. They really need to forget the planning, get spontaneous, go full Humpty Dance and just "get busy in a Burger King bathroom"

The meta alert was for Magenta, she is about to wreck shop. She finds Stan's hospital and decides it would be a good idea to drop an oil tanker on his ass. Holy shit this scene was awesome. Barry starts running in circles to provide enough wind force to keep the ship from dropping and taking out everyone, including Iris who is kicking it with Stan in the hospital trying to get a story out of him. The problem is, while Barry is running around in circles to keep this tanker from dropping, there is no one on the ground to fight Magenta. 

This is where Harry and Jesse have a heart to heart and Harry gives her the thumbs up to go be a professional speedster. She takes over for Barry and he puts boots on the ground to try to talk down Magenta. He pulls the Good Will Hunting "It's not your fault" routine with her and saves the day. 

Back at Star Labs, Barry reassures Magenta that she is not alone and she will be taken care of. She explains how she had dreams and shit about Alchemy before he came and gave her the powers she had during Flashpoint. Wally is in the corner looking sad, but his mopey ass perks the fuck up once he hears this shit. 

Anyway. Day fucking saved. Harry breaks Jesse off with a dope as speedster suit and they decide to stick around. 

The end.

Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:
Like last week, Barry was pretty freaking solid in this episode, outside of a brief moment where he shared in a "woe is me" bitch sesh with Harry, he was down right terrific. Wally on the other hand, was a major asshole. Homeboy was emo as fuck. His whole game was moping around, wearing awesome shirts, and being jealous of Jesse. Dude is is totally going to Kylo Ren the shit out of Barry and the crew, you just watch bro. He needs to get with the fucking program because being a speedster is some cornball shit. That said, season four Wally will be awesome because he will just maintain a happy wine buzz like Joe. Acorn doesn't fall far from the tree bro!

Also, they spent a lot of time making fun of "Not" jokes this episode, unfortunately for us, the only thing less funny than "Not" jokes is making fun of "Not" jokes. Maybe next week we can crack wise about "my wife" from Borat, or Joe can do some sweet Austin Powers impressions. THE KIDS FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT!



  1. while i can respect your opinion, I have one question for you "Do I make you hawny?"

  2. Look, there's no question that yours is the only Flash recap worth a hot damn, but allow me to say, including Eric B & Rakim into the mix just took this shit to a whole new level. Well played, sir. Well played, indeed.