Tuesday, November 15, 2016

The Flash Season 3 Episode 5 “Monster" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Zack Stentz
Directed By: C. Kim Miles
First Aired: November 1, 2016

I know. I have been slacking but in my defense, the night Monster aired was game 6 of the World Series. Then we elected a human shaped Cheeto to the white house who is probably going to burn the planet to the ground before any of us find out who Supreme Leader Snoke is or who Rey's parents are. So pardon me if I didn't get my snarky Flash recap up. I'm an asshole, but I will have you know that I did watch it and I even took notes and everything. Sadly they seem like a bunch of disembodied ideas i scribbled down after a 3 day binge drunk with Reggie. 

Because we the gang is back on the scene tonight, I figured that I should at the very least make sure that we are all caught up. So below I present to you, my notes. Pardon the spelling, rando jokes that only I would laugh at, and the shirtless selfie. 


Explain It:
Barry lives with Cisco and seems like the most annoying guest/temporary roommate on the planet. Not like he is a dick but more that he makes you really nice dinners and you feel bad for being pissed because you just wanted to eat a Tombstone pizza in your underwear. 

Caitlin visits her mom to talk about her condition. Mom has wicked plastic surgery. 

The New wells kind of sucks. He is an annoying try hard, the type of dude that self defines as woke, but lives in gentrified neighborhoods. 

Malloy is a snitch, tells on Barry for being late or some shit. Sorry I was reading twitter. 

Oh shit this week's villain is a fucking kiaju (I have no idea how to spell Kaju - see).

Murder on the titanic. (I Have no idea what that means).

Barry butters up Malfoy to try to get him back in his side but Malfoy sees through it. 

Caitlin's mom is acting sketch. Think she is going to kidnap her. 

Gladiator in the new Harrison Well's world is called Sweaty Man, which should no be the official title of every Russel Crowe film. 

New Harry is also hella sketch.

Joe is still ducking the DA that is sweet on him. Not sure why, she is fly. 

Caitlin's mom is Wack.

Malfoy is a curmudgeon, hates the flash and find the cops to be wack. I'm starting to think he might be the hero of this show.

Barry saves Malfoy. But kiaju got away. We always remember the kaiju that got away (just a heads up, I plan to spell this 20 different ways, get used to it). 

Caitlin's mom's evil lab tech kidnaps Caitlin because he is tired of being in the shadow of women, he is a real Mens Rights Activist that one. Caitlin freezes his arm and goes fill killer frost. But Caitlin's mom connects with her, talks and lets Caitlin bolt. I wish she shattered that shit Jason in Space style

Malfoy hates metas because they are selfish and waste their talent/gifts. He is like Deniro in a Bronx Tale. Barry calls him on it and Malfoy dumps him 

Iris calls out Joe for being shook of kicking it with the sexy DA. Iris has the subtly of a sledge hammer. 

Malfoy figures out where the monster is going to be.

Harry catches Barry and Cisco going through his shit.  He claims to be an author.  Taking notes to write a novel. 

Empire Strikes Back references get dropped when Cisco suggest that they take the kalju down like an ATAT.  Barry goes full cowboy the kiaju and tries to lasso that doggie but the kiaju is hologram.

Cisco calls Harry out as a fake. 

Malfoy was about to kill the kid who made the kiaju. Flash saves the day and Malfoy is all. good looking out dude. 

Joe has a sit down with the kid. Tells him that it will be ok.  Joe is the best TV dad since Mr. C. 

Turns out Harry is a poser, calls himself an 'idea man'. His partner is the science 

Being that he is a con man and he cons the gang. Because the gang is stupid. 

Harry drops a "word is bond" which is the most racist thing to happen on TV this year....a year when Trump was elected...FUCK!

Malfoy opens up to Barry. Talks about his family and how they are old Brit money. He walked away to become a scientist. He achieved his dream but then metas come in and he is suddenly powerless, because he can't fix it. 

Squad aims
Barry opens up about his family dying and shit.  

Julian let's Barry stay in the lab and admits he was wrong about the Flash and possibly about Barry. Barry asks he to grab a drink. FRIENDS 

Caitlin's mom sends video message lets her know that if she uses her powers she is going to get stuck ask killer frost. Says she can't use them which triggers weird mommy issues and she freezes her desk.  

Why Barry Allen the metas are An Asshole This Week:
The only asshole this week was this new Harrison, he seems like the kind of asshole who brags about making Kumbucha or some shit. 

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