Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The New 52: Futures End #13 Review and *SPOILERS*

Written By: Brian Azzarello, Jeff Lemire, Dan Jurgens, Keith Giffen
Art By: Patrick Zircher
Cover Price: $2.99
Release Date: July 30, 2014

I Hope Something Bad Happens To Fifty Sue

Okay the prime info you need for this week's issue is that Grifter was recently attacked by a stealth OMAC, which is odd because Fifty Sue says there aren't any stealth OMACs.  Red Robin now works at a bar and created a whole new life for himself after faking his death during the war and now goes by the name Cal Corcoran.  Lois Lane is on Tim/Cal's ass about his identity and even though he tells his girlfriend that he isn't Red Robin, I don't think she's buying it.  Batman Beyond recently joined up with Plastique, Coil and Key to break into Terrifitech so he can see if Brother Eye has made his appearance yet and Green Arrow's teenage sister has found Big Barda hiding out in Canada.  Yeah that should do you for this issue.  Let's jump Five Years From Now and see what DC has in store for us this week.

Explain It!:

Like I said in the header, I really hope that something bad happens to Fifty Sue.  This issue is a prime example why I hate childrens.  They're just awful and then I read this and I think, yup they'd be even worse with superpowers.  But I don't think you're here to hear my feelings on childrens and the possible future where they receive superpowers and takeover mankind and subject us to their whiny bratty attitudes.  So let's get on with it.

Grifter and Fifty Sue are on the hunt for a stealth OMAC and like any good movie when you need to find something super secret out in a super secret facility, you go through a air duct.  The two make their way down to the facilities sub sub basement, bantering with each other like Fifty Sue wouldn't just murder Grifter on a whim and finally they see that a few Earth 2 scientists are working on some OMACs.  But whether they're of the stealth variety that shouldn't exist, I have no idea.  I saw every OMAC they were working on so maybe their stealth is broken or they're just OMACs and Fifty Sue and Grifter have just stumbled upon nothing interesting....... Man I hope that's not the case.  Also getting back to Fifty Sue, we find out on top of all the other god like powers she has, she also has the ability to be in two places at once.  As much as we like to bitch about how over powered Superman is, I don't think that he'd stand a chance against this pint sized terror. 

In New York Red Robin's bar "The Wounded Duck" is getting held up by a hobo looking dude with a gun and after he makes off with the money and Red Robin's girlfriend's necklace it looks like Madison is finally starting to believe that he isn't Red Robin, you know because of the lack of face punches.  But later on we see that Red Robin has caught up with the robber as he's trying to use the money to buy something from a shady guy on the street.  We even find out that the dudes name is Snart, so I guess Captain Cold falls on some really hard times Five Years From Now.  We finally see the anticipated ass whoopin' that I certainly expected in the bar and Red Robin gets his girlfriend's necklace back.  But now I'm left sitting here desperately wondering what happened to Captain Cold and for some reason I really want to know what he was going to buy off of the shady street merchant.  I'm a curious sort, I need to know these things.  But it's another in a long line of disappoints in my life, because I doubt we'll ever know.

A couple of issues ago I pretty much called Mister Terrific Joseph McCarthy with his anti parallel world propaganda and raising fear in the populace by claiming that Batman Beyond was one of those Earth 2ers and can't be trusted.  Well I stand by that statement, but at least this issue we see him feeling sorry about going on live TV and accusing Batman Beyond of being an alien.  What we might not like about this though is that he's getting solace and advice from a very "HAL" looking Brother Eye.  Now I would never recommend amyone watch 2001 A Space Odyssey, but I would highly recommend that you know that "HAL" reference and if you didn't get it, I don't know how you've made it this far in life.  Speaking about not getting far in life, now that Batman Beyond is all over the TV, it doesn't look like Key, Plastique and Coil want him joining their merry band of misfits because his face is literally plastered on every channel.  Terry says he'll pull the job off himself and then makes Batman look bad because he gets knocked out by an exploding paper airplane Plastique charged up.  A paper airplane....  There's no dignity in that.

In the end we head up to Canada, the land of poutine.........  Damn do I want some poutine.  In Canada we see Emiko (Green Arrow's little sister) telling Big Barda that the Earth 2 heroes are still alive and are being held captive, but to get to them they'll need to get some fake IDs and Emiko says she knows a guy and knocks on a door for a shop called The Bakery Queen, which is currently closed.  Now this leads to all these other questions going on in my head.  Who's behind the door?  I immediately jumped to Ma Hunkel the Golden Age Red Tornado.  Then I jumped to it being Granny Goodness simply because I'm hungry and baked goods are delicious and full of goodness.  Now I just think that Diggle runs the shop and the Queen's own it leading to the name The Bakery Queen as a play on their name.  This went through my head in about ten seconds and I think I have a nose bleed now.  I think I might need help.  But anyway we'll have to wait to find out who Emiko's "Guy" is because a little girl gets the two's attention when she asks for help finding her dad.  The two follow the girl and........... wait........ wait I know that girl.... Oh shit don't follow her...... IT'S FIFTY SUE!!! OH GOD!  Yeah Fifty Sue doing that two places at once trick leads the two heroes down an alley where they come face to face with Deathstroke.  Again going back to the header, I hope something bad happens to Fifty Sue, I really do.  That's it for this week's journey to the future, make sure you're back next week so I might get some answers to my pointless questions and maybe get some that aren't so pointless.

Bits and Pieces:

Nothing here to really further the story, but it's fun anyway.  It's just sitting there telling you that it doesn't really serve a point, but it's okay with that and after you're done reading you'll be okay with that too and feel a little like a jerk for judging it in the first place.  There isn't much really to say about this issue, the stories functional and Patty Z's art is nice to look at, but it's like a brief glimpse into a mundane life.  Yeah it's happening to someone and they might care about it, but it doesn't really matter to you in the long run.  Does that make sense?


No comments:

Post a Comment