Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Trinity of Sin: Pandora: Futures End #1 Review and *SPOILERS*

Written By: Ray Fawkes
Art By: Francis Portela, Tom Derenick
Cover Price: $3.99
Release Date: September 17, 2014

Confusion At It's Finest

I guess it's up to all of you to decide whether this issue counts as Pandora's final issue.  When the last issues of the six titles that were cancelled came out last month, I had it in my mind that those were the last and Futures End wouldn't count.  That might sound silly to you, but fuck you I'm silly.  Here's the problem, out of the six titles I review three of them and I now count Phantom Stranger's Futures End as his last issue and still think of Superboy #34 as his final issue.  This probably has no bearing on you but for some reason I need to have these things figured out in my strange brain and as far as I see it now, Pandora's Futures End isn't it's final issue and if it is I'm completely lost.  To understand what I'm saying........ or to have somewhat of a clue about what I'm saying let's look at Pandora Five Years From Now and see what the cursed immortal is up to.  Let's check it out.

Explain It!:

This is usually where I just break into the story, but for this very special issue of Pandora I think I'll do a second recap since I really didn't do one in the beginning, so bear with me for a little bit as we throw down the facts.  

Fact 1.  As we saw at the end of the Trinity War; Pandora's Box is actually a doorway to Earth 3

Fact 2.  Pandora killed all of the Seven Deadly Sins and put an end to her timeless quest.

Fact 3.  Pandora started her DC career forming the New 52 by combining the DC Universe with the Vertigo and Wildstorm Universes at the end of Flashpoint and has yet to show why she had that kind of power and then never showed that kind of power again.

These are the facts that we should think of going into this issue and with that knowledge on our side we can just bend over and shove them right up our asses because it seems Five Years From Now that that shit doesn't make a difference and we've all been lied to.  Can you tell I'm upset?

Our story begins with Pandoras all over the Multiverse killing the heroes of that Earth and destroying it.........  Don't worry you'll get more lost as we continue.  So while this is going on we jump back to the Pandora that we know going up to the broken pieces of her old box and simply reforming it with a magic spell.  Now that the box is reformed, she opens it and unleashes the seven deadly sins that she killed before............  Now if that doesn't make any sense to you then wait for this brain buster; these sins were the Pandoras from the other worlds that were destroying them.  

Like Spock up there, this just isn't logical to me.  So from the very beginning of Pandora's .......Pandora time, these sins were all her personal sins made corporeal and for some reason after she killed them they all went to different Earths, put on a Pandora face and killed their world's heroes.  It's all very confusing to me and the best way I can describe what Ray Fawkes is giving to me is that the universe is a wheel and will constantly lead to Pandora destroying the world with her sins over and over again, but now she's decided to stop the circle and with a magic word forces her sins back within her.

In the end Pandora enters the box herself and then the box disappears and then the world is happy.  No, I'm fucking serious this is how it went down.  Now I've loved Ray Fawkes' run on this title, but what the hell was he thinking rewriting everything that we hold to be true about this character and her accessories?  

Now this book looks great and I was originally going to give you a bunch of pictures so you could see how awesome it looks, but by the end of my reading I was so upset that I figured that I'd stubbornly just show you memes showing my disdain.  So yeah, the book looks great, the story makes me annoyed and in the end I refuse to accept this issue as Pandora's last and will throw a child like tantrum if anyone ever tries to tell me otherwise.  Yeah I'm that immature.  Make sure you check out Trinity of Sin next month though so we can get this bad taste out of our mouths and get back to Pandora the way she's supposed to be.

Bits and Pieces:

This Futures End has to be one of the worst endings to a character that I've seen.  Everything about this issue feels wrong and spits on everything you thought you understood about the character and everything we've been told about the character and not in one of those cool new direction kind of ways.  If you must check out this issue, then do it for the art by Francis Portela because the story is bullshit and I feel like going to my parent's house and stomping up the stairs just to show how unhappy I am, like I would have when I was a child.  Pandora didn't deserve this and neither do you.


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