Wednesday, October 26, 2016

The Flash Season 3 Episode 4 “The New Rogues" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Benjamin Raab and Deric A. Hughes
Directed By: Stefan Pleszczynski
First Aired: October 15, 2016

Last week was pretty ok. We had a cool meta who had magneto powers. Barry and Iris were trying to figure out how to date each other. Harry and Jesse came back to town and Jesse had speed force. Wally was acting like a wounded dog over it all. Cisco was chilling, Caitlin was really chilling as she explored her Killer Frost skills. Pretty solid effort all around.

Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings. 

Explain It:
This week starts off in a generic hang out with generic criminals who are making thief mistake number one and stunting (insert stunting like my daddy video) right after a big heist. The generic criminal couple display generic criminal over confidence and double down on that bullshit once fan favorite, the horribly acted yet somehow still lovable Leonard Snart stepson the scene. A brawl breaks out where generic criminals display all sorts of fly fighting skills like they were taking Krav Maga courses down at the Y or some shit. Snart is fixing to put a cap in homeboi when the dark matter blast that created a million and one meta-humans comes through and wrecks shop.  

Flash to modern day Central City where scumbag developers are turning the abandon industrial section of town to bullshit lofts for suburban types who heard the city is safe and are coming to ruin it with banality and soul cycle classes. During the cleanup process one of the laborers is attacked by generic male criminal who steps out of a mirror and sets off to find Snart. 

Back at casa de Joe, Barry and Iris are settling in on the couch for a nice glass of wine and some OITNB. They barely last through the opening credits before they are on each other. This is gross for a bevy of reasons, most importantly, though they are not biologically related, they were raised as brother and sister. I will never be comfortable with this kind of bullshit and unless you want mandatory sibling coupling we are morally obligated to keep Hillary and the libertards out of the White House. We need a man like Darnell Trump leading us. He would never engage in creepy behavior towards a female family member. #MAGA.

Anyway Barry hears Joe's keys and uses his speed force to sit up and put a pillow over his boner so Joe doesn't know.  For some reason this pisses off Iris who doesn't understand why Barry is afraid to be affectionate in front of Joe. Iris, I think there is a difference between some cuddling and the occasional smooch and the straight up dry humping that was just popping off. I feel like these kids may have already stained Joe's couch. I hope he scotch-guarded that shit. 

Back at Star Lab Harry and Jesse are fixing to head back to Earth-2 but the gang convinces them to stay so Barry could train Jesse. Wally seems to have come around on the Jesse speedster thing. She even whisks him off for a sweet chill sesh in Central City. Jesse being human, can feel the tension brewing between their Christian parts and plants a kiss on Wally. Wally acts scared and plays it off nicely by saying that he likes her but she is leaving the dimension in a few days and he doesn’t want to get hurt. Shit’s hella awkward for a second but then they start running fast again and all is well. 

At some point the gang learns about the dude in the mirror, I do not remember how, but it leads them to generic lady criminal from the show intro who is now in Iron Heights, which is America's second least effective prison edged out only by Gotham’s Arkham. She is on ice for her using her meta-power to rob banks or some shit. Turns out her power is to give people a temporary case of vertigo. In a matter of moments, homeboi from the mirror slides along the reflective surfaces and breaks her out. What the fuck is wrong with the DC universe that every prison they have is less effective at holding violators than in school suspension?  At least in the real world you need to seduce a guard who is dumb enough to ruin their lives for a good lay.  

Another random thing about this episode is then woman they shoe horned in as a meta expert to give Joe someone to have sexual tension with. Home girl is fine as fuck, older women, who's all into loving, loves kids and keeps their businessin the crib style. She is all about Joe but Joe is shook. Not sure what's up with the Allen/West men in this episode but they really need to step their Mack game up. 

Back at Star Lab, Cisco, Caitlin and Harry are busy trying to find a Harry from one of the other earths in the multiverse to replace this one when he heads back to Earth-2. They find a dude who is pretty solid despite dressing like a 1990s street magician. But Harry is kind of a dick about it and tells them to keep looking because he is jealous or some shit.  These assholes telegraph their insecurity like a muthafucker but in fairness, this is a show for teenagers who have the emotional maturity of 40 year old rappers.

Barry and Jesse chase down generic criminal couple (GGC) after they rob a jewel store or some shit. There is lots of squiggly lines to show fast running (still amazed that this passes for action) as Barry and Jesse chase GGC around the city. Eventually Jesse gets a blast of vertigo and Barry ends up trapped in a mirror.  

They gang tried to figure out how to free Barry from the mirror trap. Turns out they need some cold to slow the molecules so Barry can phase out. The gang can't get it cold enough, but Caitlin used her Killer Frost skills on the low and helps Barry escape. 

Barry and the gang figure out how to stop GGC, spin the vertigo gal around and apparently the easiest thing to do with the mirror fellow was to trap him in a dressing room with a lot of mirrors. The metas in this episode sucked.

Back at casa de Joe, Barry finally realizes he is 30 and if he wants to bone down he needs his own place. He is going to move out. Joe is stoked, he can finally walk around in his underwear and drink in peace and Iris is geeked because she is finally going to get to make love on Barry. 

Everyone wins, with the exception of Barry’s new neighbors because you know he is one of those passive aggressive tenants that will leave anonymous notes on his neighbor’s door about how their cat’s walking around is making it impossible for him to concentrate or some shit, some people are not designed to live in cities.

At the lab, the gang welcomes street magician Harry, and sends regular Harry along with Jesse back to Earth 2. Before bouncing, regular Harry let’s Cisco know that the device they made to free Barry from the mirror didn’t work, and that something, or in this case someone else, helped Barry out.  He strongly intimates that he knows it was Caitlin and Cisco is picking up what he is putting down.

Our final scene brings us to Caitlin's crib. She is getting ready for a shower, and the camera gets all pervy following her around as she is disrobing and getting ready to wash the day away. Mid-shower her Killer Frost skills kick in and she freezes the scalding water. Freaked out she looks in the mirror only to see that her lips have turned blue and she is getting streaks of white in her hair like my girl Stacy London. 

Why Barry Allen the metas are An Asshole This Week:
Because they suck. Shitty one dimensional characters. I get that this episode was all about emotional arcs and shit so you had to shoehorn these assholes in, but why?  Is it really that necessary?  Let the characters breath man. Nobody needs to see budget Joe Manganiello and Amanda Seyfried just to force the action. It was mostly a unnecessary time suck on what could have been a nice episode.

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