Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Heroes in Crisis #7 Review and **SPOILERS**


Any Similarities Are Purely Coincidental

Writer: Tom King
Artists: Clay Mann, Travis Moore, Jorge Fornes
Colorists: Tomeu Morey
Letters: Clayton Cowles
Cover By: Mitch Gerads
Variant Cover By: Ryan Sook
Associate Editor: Brittany Holzherr
Editor: Jamie S. Rich
Cover Price: $3.99
On Sale Date: March 27, 2019

**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE BOTTOM**

Hey, the heroes are still in crisis, huh? Let’s see what they’re up to now in my review!


Explain It!

Our issue begins with Harley Quinn wailing away with her mallet at Booster Gold’s force field, while Batgirl and Blue Beetle observe, passively. Actually, the issue really begins with a wistful memory of something learned in AP English class, as told by Wally West, but we can get back to that later. Harley Quinn is bashing Booster Gold while reciting nursery rhymes, until Batgirl discerns that Beetle’s consciousness is powering Booster’s shield, so she punches him in the face and knocks him out. Batgirl discovers this, incidentally, through idle chatter with Beetle. I’m not making any of this up. Booster Gold now disabled, Batgirl tells Harley Quinn not to kill him. Then Booster seems resigned to being killed by Harley and tells her to go ahead, so she doesn’t. Then Batgirl kicks her in the back.
After this, Harley and Booster become best friends when they both realize that they think the other person slaughtered all the heroes at Sanctuary. When Blue Beetle wakes up, they all become best friends and talk about who could have committed the murders. It’s now five days since the event, and since Wally West’s body was found to be five days older than the time of death, they figure they can go find Wally—if they hurry up! Then they decide to form a superhero team and not tell the Justice League because nothing else has made much sense up to this point, no need to stop the music now.
This is all interspersed with scenes of Batman hanging out in his cave, while Barry Allen runs in to say that Harley Quinn and Booster Gold cannot be found in some remote location around the world. And Wally West is in some field of flowers, where he…created Poison Ivy out of a flower? She is very grateful for his help, and asks what she wants from her. Wally West says she will witness his death, just as another Wally West shows up.
Who the hell are all of these people? Harley Quinn keeps reciting these nursery rhymes, then says that she is just trying some superhero patter. Is everyone aware that Harley Quinn has had her own comic series and has appeared as a member of the Suicide Squad for years? Why are we acting like she’s a new creation? Why would Batgirl be working with her? Why would Batgirl punch Ted Kord on her behalf? The mystery itself might be alright enough, but every word of dialogue makes me want to die. Why is Booster Gold suicidal? And just where the hell is Skeets, anyway? I assume I will have answers to some of these questions in two issues, but not the ones I really want.


Bits and Pieces:

If you hate superheroes, DC Comics characters, and comic books, then this series is for you.

3.5/10

7 comments:

Jodie Jones said...

If you like bad storytelling, poor characterizations of established heroes and have money to throw away, the this series is made for you.

WolfCypher said...

Batgirl and Harley's, erh...dynamic, is so jarring, and it isn't doing Babs any favors. Most of WS complain about King's Booster and Blue Beetle, but its King's Harley and especially Batgirl that's killing me. WTF?!

WolfCypher said...

Batgirl and Harley's, erh...dynamic, is so jarring, and it isn't doing Babs any favors. Most of WS complain about King's Booster and Blue Beetle, but its King's Harley and especially Batgirl that's killing me. WTF?!

The Wandering mind said...

Great review.You had me laughing through out.This issue was bonkers in worst possible way. It seems like my worst fears have been realized when comes to Wally. I hope this gets retconned quick.

Atom from Longbox Junk said...

In other words. . .Tom King is STILL incapable of telling a straightforward superhero story? I swear to God, this guy makes Grant Morrison look humble. I'm glad I opted out of this mess after the first issue.

Jolly Drew said...

This book gives me migraines. Reading Wally West's confessional tape monologue is painful in how stuttered and bland and senseless it is. WHAT IS GOING ON??

Jim Werner said...

nothing...is...going...on