Friday, May 16, 2014

Top 5 Fridays: Most Disappointing Things In DC Movies

This week Zack Snyder gave us something to get our nerd boners hard when he let the first picture of Ben Affleck as Batman and the Batmobile drop.  Now I've seen throughout the interwebs people both praising and damning this new live action look for Batman, but I personally dig it and am totally down with a Dark Knight Returns looking Batfleck.  So with all the people bitching and stroking to this new pic, it made me think about this week's Top 5 list, and since I lean towards the negative we'll take a look at my own personal disappointments in comic book cinema.  Let's take a look at Top 5 Most Disappointing Things In DC Movies.  Boosh!

#5.  Superman IV, Batman and Robin, STEEL, and                                           Catwoman

Now this might seem like a cop out, but I just wanted to get all these out of the way.  Realistically this should all be #1, but I won't do that to you fine people.  There is nothing redeemable about these movies.  Okay it's done we can move on now.

#4.  It's 2006 and Lex Luthor Still Cares About                                              Real Estate

The greatest criminal mind of our time, and this mother fucker thinks we'll all fight each other to live in his black rock country?  I can understand Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor of the late 70's, it was a silly time and people didn't understand how to make a serious adaptation of a comic book.  Then Bryan Singer decided to walk away from X-Men 3 to make this monstrosity and left us with two bad movies.  This was his Superman 3 and for some reason when he was coming to this decision he thought that kids, and people in general still cared about the original Superman series, and wouldn't rather see something new and fresh.  So we get the cheesy Luthor, who has another over the top stupid plan dealing with land, and it was just so disappointing.  People will argue that Kevin Spacey was a great Lex, but that doesn't take away the awful awful plan that this interpretation thought he could do and get away with in the end.  God I hate this movie.

#3.  The Sex Fiend Known As Penguin

Now I have no idea who's idea it was to make Penguin the most disgusting thing you've seen since The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, but I'm guessing whoever did also made the decision that he should always be on the verge of raping every young woman he comes across.  I'm a big fan of the Penguin, and this sir is not the Penguin.  I know that this is Burton's Batman and everything has to be dark and creepy, but what the fuck?  You took one of Batman's most refined eloquent villains and turned him into a drooling horny CHUD, who loses his shit just because people finally see him for who he really is.  It's a good thing kids aren't impressionable and like going to the movies and seeing things like Batman, because this could really fuck up a bunch of nights sleep.  Stay in the sewers Burton's Penguin, I'm tired of seeing your jerk off face.

#2.  Superman's A Deadbeat Dad

Yeah we're back to Superman Returns for this one.  What else can we do to make this movie a complete disaster?  Oh, What's that?  Oh yeah let's make the most recognizable super hero, the symbol for hope and make him a deadbeat dad.  That whole reason he was gone for five years because he was searching for Krypton, yeah I know what that was, Supes did a quick x ray check on Lois's womb and that was his way of saying "I'm going out for a pack of smokes."  Since we've kept the original two Superman movies in this continuity that means that his amnesia kiss is also a power.  So when Lois figures out that Superman and not Cyclops is the father of her child, what can she possibly think about the Man of Steel?  Oh yeah that's right he must of super raped me.  There is no good way to explain this off and make it right for any Superman fan.  Wait wait, I have one way.  They should of had a after credits scene where Lois, Cyclops, and Superman are on the Maury Show having a paternity test.  How could anyone do this to Superman?

#1.  Jonathan Kent Doesn't Inspire Heroes

Now I'm sure I'm going to catch shit for having this be my #1 pick but come on.  Jonathan Kent should be drinking his coffee out of a mug that has "#1 DAD" written on it, but after watching Man of Steel and reading everyone else's gripes about the film all I could focus on was the lack of a inspiring father figure.  You all know what I'm talking about, the scene where Pa Kent tells young Clark that maybe he should of let his classmates die.  What is that?  Jonathan should be shaping a young Superman to become the greatest hero this world has ever seen, and we get a father figure that really doesn't want anything but for Clark to keep his secret.  Besides the scene where Pete Ross's Ma wants to out Clark, do you remember a real scene where Jonathan and Martha really interact with each other?  It's just strange to me, the Kent's should be the foundation in which Superman was built on, but for a modern grittier Superman I guess a apathetic father is what we get.

It's weird I really dug the new pic of Batman that led to this list, but this is a very negative list and I actually got a little angry while writing it.  So many things that could of been great and instead we get interwebs message boards where a bunch of fanboys like me sit around and bitch about it.  I didn't have to be this way Hollywood.  You do your job right, and I'll put down the keyboard.  It's that simple.  That's the list for this week, and I promise next week's will be more on a positive note.  See you in seven.


  1. Jonathan Kent wasn't apathetic,he's a dad doing qhat he thinks he needs to in order to protect his child. Now he may be wrong but thats what he believes is right

  2. Interesting List!! But Man of Steel deserves a break!!! Why ma boi supes gotta get so much hate!! Either way I kinda agree with ur list, except pa kent

  3. This is a personal list of things that have bothered me with DC flicks over the years, and I think I may have been spoiled with the best portrayal of Jonathan Kent by John Schneider in Smallville. That was my Pa Kent, and he was someone who pounded into Clark the difference between right and wrong, and in doing so made his boy into the symbol of hope we all know and love. Kevin Costner's Jonathan didn't seem to care about morals, just secrets.

  4. Cant really argue with that!! Still cried when Kostner died though...tear.

  5. I actually didn't like Kevin Costner's Jonathan except when Clark asks if he should keep pretending he's his son. The response was so good.