Monday, June 27, 2016

The Preacher Season 1 Episode 5 “South Will Rise Again" Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Sam Caitlin
Directed By: 
First Aired: June 26, 2016

Welcome to the weekly Preacher recap. 

I read the funny pages version of this show a few years back and since I'm not some comic book nerd boy I don't remember much other than liking it a lot, shit was fresh. The show is hella different so far and that is cool too. I guess what I am saying, is don't expect some in depth analysis comparing the two, because that really ain't what this is about. 

As we are jumping in on episode number 5 lets get caught up hella quick.

Let's Catch Up:
Through the first four episodes not much has happened. Now you're caught the fuck up.

Ok not really but kind of really. The show has been slow as fuck. Not really giving us anything except a whole lot of "just the tip".

Let's meet that cast:

Jesse Custer aka The Preacher: Our eponymous main character is kind of dull, mostly a good haircut, some nice stubble and smokes cigarettes real cool like. Sadly he has all the charm of sheet rock. Picture every cool Colin Farrell character and then subtract the personality and charm. Jesse is the local preacher. He somehow gets the spirit of God or some shit and can make people do shit with the power of his voice.  He beats someone up really bad in the first episode to let you know he is kind of a bad ass and has a girlfriend named Tulip who is trying to get him to do some revenge shit. I guess more proof that he used to be wicked tough.

Tulip: The aforementioned ex-girlfriend of the preacher. She is all sorts of tough. A real hustler type. We get glimpses of just how deadly she can be when she makes a bazooka out of household items and takes down a helicopter. She seems like she is a much better actor then they are letting her be and has real moments of greatness. Unfortunately she also has an annoyingly bad southern accent that makes he so fucking unlikable. It's like they told her to watch Designing Women to learn how to talk like she is southern.  Fucking Delta Burke sass all up in this bitch.

Cassidy: Homeboy is the best part of this show. He is an Irish vampire who feels like a cross between the Gallagher brothers from Oasis and David Silver from 90210. Plus he likes drugs, booze and Tulip.

Then there is the rest of them. Emily aka The lady who works at the church and has a major thing for Jesse but is also playing playing the whole "friends with benefits" angle with the mayor. The mayor is a simp who looks like Tim Heidecker. Odin Quincannon aka The dude that owns the slaughterhouse and was also Kelly Leak in the original Bad News Bears movies. His muscle Donnie who was beat up by Jesse in episode one and Donnie's wife who likes it rough. Eugene aka Arseface, a troubled teen who has a face that looks like an ass after a suicide attempt gone wrong or maybe gone right depending on your perspective, and his dad who is the asshole town cop. The two guys from heaven. And the weird cowboy fucker they keep rocking flashbacks of, who I think will become the Saint of Killers which is an awesome character.

Explain It:

Caught up? Good. Speaking of the cowboy we pick up with his story to start tonight's episode. Homeboy is still traveling to Ratwater, a shithole of a old west town filed with old west stereotypes. It is like Deadwood if Deadwood didn't suck. to get his family medicine. They got a bad case of the consumption. Turns out the pharmacist cannot get the medicine until the next morning so he has to stay in town.  He drops off a gang of scalps he picked up along the way to make some loot to afford his stay. Remember the good old days when you could make a living scalping natives before PC culture took over and we started outsourcing our violent oppression the China?  Thanks Obama. Anyway while drinking some drink at the town brothel/hotel homeboy sees some horrible shit, townies are forcing a child to watch his mom get raped. The mom may or may not be dead. He is approached by some old tyme preacher type who wants to step to him but backs down because he kind of remembers him from somewhere. Nothing pops off that night. Homeboy gets his family meds. Jumps on his horse and starts riding the fuck home.

Unfortunately on the way home he passes a covered wagon with a bright eyed child informing the man that they are on their way to Ratwater. He flashes back to the face of the child he did nothing to help, grows a conscious and a pair, and turns around to bring some justice to the swine back in Ratwater. 

He shows up, gets his ass handed too him but manages to save the medicine for his family. He is just about to head out when the old tyme preacher shows up again says he remembers him from the war of northern aggression because he never saw a man that enjoyed killing as much As the cowboy. The preacher then shoots his horse dead. The cowboy has to walk home and by the time he gets there his family is dead and getting eaten by crows. We end his part of the story with him grabbing his gun and making his way back to Ratwater to fuck shit up.

Back in present day Jesse and Emily are kicking the ballistics about church the other day and Emily wants to know exactlyy what the fuck happened with Quincannon last week when homeboy converted to Jesus on the spot. Jesse cryptically replied it was the will of God or some bullshit, but because he threw a charming smile on the end Emily got all tingly and let it slide.  Then a crew of teenagers who are hella into the gospel ask the Jesse to come to their booth and talk scripture. Teenagers are the fucking worst.

Back at Tulip's drunk uncle's crib Cassidy is recovering from the shard of glass he had in his jugular. If you recall last episode Tulip took him to the hospital when he was bleeding out only to find him in the blood bank downing pints. Tulip confronts him about being a vampire. Asks him a shit ton of cliche vampire questions and pretty much accepts him as is. Cassidy is in love with Tulip and tells her so.  She talks about her boyfriend who she is waiting to come around. Cassidy is all 'I love you and maybe this feller of yours isn't who you thought he was' and then asks where he can get some drugs. 

Quincannon is a new man, down at the slaughterhouse he calls another meeting with the mayor to discuss a business plan he literally pissed on last week, but that was before Jesse and the word of God, changed him. Now he is a chipper SOB and ready to make a deal. Donnie, he muscle, is freaked the fuck out, being that he was the first victim of Jesse's new found power, so he is the only one that realizes just what the fuck is going down. 

Jesse is still holding court at the dinner, giving people all sorts of advice about how to fix their shit and using "the voice" to make them do it. Tulip roles up, in what might be her best scene of the night/series, recaps a story about a bad boy (Jesse) she loves who kills a kimono dragon on GP. Jesse holds true and tells her once again he has changed. Seems like this time it finally sunk in. 

Tulip heads out, robs a pharmacy for some Oxy, finds Cassidy at the strip club, breaks him off with some pills and breaks him off some ass in the back seat of her jeep LL style (fine I know it was a car, but I wanted to hyperlink to an awesome LL song, so fuck off). 

Arseface face has a showdown with his pops, who is pissed that he went to visit the woman in the vegetative state that he somehow caused, his pops tells him he should just go finish the job and kill himself. Proof positive cops are bad fathers. 

Arseface swings by the diner to ask Jesse for help. Jesse takes Arseface over to the girls house, her mom's looses her shit on arseface, but Jesse being Jesse pulls out "the voice" and makes her forgive him. All is suddenly well. Jesse can fix anything with "the voice"

The dudes from heaven finally track Jesse down at the diner (fuck Jesse has been at that diner for like 6 weeks it seems) and inform him that the thing he has inside him is not God, and that they will need to be collecting it from him. 

Back at Quincannon's office, the executives from the other half of the business deal that the mayor set up come through and they are all happy and ready to sign the contracts. Quincannon then proceeds to put shotgun shells into each of their chests. 

Holy fuck, I guess Jesse needs to be a little more specific when using "the voice". 

I feel like there are going to be some consequences to using that shit so willy nilly. 

So what do we think about this show so far?:

Honestly, I have no idea what to make of this shit. It is a cool show and all, but 2/3rds of the main characters are pretty dull, the action is more teased than anything else, some small spurts here and there. So who the hell knows. The preview for next week looks pretty tight, like all the shit they are building might finally come to fruition. One can hope. At the very least I will be hanging until the end of this season, which probably means I will watch all of season two. I mean I watched 3 seasons of the Killing, 3 seasons of The Walking Dead and 2 seasons and one episode of House of Cards and all of those shows fucking blow. I will stick around until it is painfully obvious that the show is a bucket of crap. We are nowhere near crap bucket with The Preacher........yet. 


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