Friday, August 29, 2014

Top 5 Fridays: Top 5 Worst Jobs In The DC Universe.

This week's Top 5 Fridays is inspired by most people's three day weekend in America, thanks to the wonderful Labor Day.  Yes, while you're enjoying your time off from work, thinking about how nice it is to get out of the daily grind and possibly how much you hate your job, make sure to think about how well you have it compared to some of the jobs that exist in the DC Universe.  Yeah work sucks, but it could be so much worse.  Now people in other countries might not have this holiday, I don't know, I just know that it would take more research to find out and I'm just going to assume that they don't because this is my Labor Day weekend, so get off my back.  So if you don't know what Labor Day is, it's an American holiday that celebrates the workers of America, by giving them the day off.  You know good stuff.  So sit back and relax on your three day weekend and check out some of the shitty jobs of DC Comics with Top 5 Worst Jobs In The DC Universe.

#5.  Metropolis Public Works

Now the reason that Metropolis Public Works comes in only at #5 is because I was thinking that while yes, Superman and the villain of the month destroys the shit out of  Metropolis on the regular, it also isn't a bad gig in a post recession world that we live in in America.  Yeah you gotta keep rebuilding the city and streets and various things, but at least you always know that you've got work.  There aren't any lay offs going on in Metropolis while the Man of Steel is protecting it.  So yeah, while this might seem like a good thing for the workers, it also means non stop back breaking labor.  Which goes to overtime, which affects the tax payers, which in turn makes the people of Metropolis hate their public workers, while Superman flies by without a care in the world.  Now this might seem exaggerated, but it's what goes through my mind and if I lived in Metropolis I would bitch about the increase in taxes and with all those workers making so much damn noise while I'm trying to write reviews.  So maybe I'm the asshole, but it still seems like a shitty job even if you're guaranteed job security.

#4.  S.T.A.R. Labs

Now it might not seem like a bad job working for one of the greatest science and technology institutes in the world, hell you might even strive for something like that.  But looking at it in the New 52, it's just a magnet for bad shit to go down.  You've got Boom Tubes manifesting, alien weapons to safe guard and parallel Earth villains wrecking up the joint.  It may not be the safest work environment is all I'm saying.  With different branches of STAR Labs all over the world, specializing in different aspects of science, it's just a hot bed for a "rise of the machines" scenario and I know I wouldn't sign a permission slip for my kid to go on a field trip to this hub of technology.  "But Dad, I want to be a scientist when I grow up!"  "No!  You're going to play football!  Look what happened to that Victor Stone boy when he stopped playing sports and went inside STAR Labs!  No son of mine will be a cyborg!"  Yeah I imagine it something like that.

#3.  Prisons In DC Comics

Whether it's Iron Heights, Black Gate, Belle Reve or Stryker's Island, working at a prison in DC Comics is a sure way to get your ass hurt.  Now I know some prison guards personally and they aren't really fond of their job to begin with.  Now add super villains and it's a recipe for disaster.  One thing fundamentally flawed with prison systems in general is that the inmates run the prisons.  If your a prison guard you come in for your shift, work a few hours and go home, but the prisoners are always there watching you as you come and go.  They know your routines, when your shift begins and ends and at what part of the day you might be getting tired.  Now add super powers to the mix and you're a dead man or woman who previously worked for a prison system and let's be honest, you probably should of studied harder or had higher aspirations.  Definitely a bad job and I doubt you'll be getting Labor Day off.

#2.  The GCPD

You think working in a prison is bad?  Imagine going out on the street and having to deal with the psychopaths of Gotham daily.  At least the prison guards have bars between them and the inmates, but being a police officer in Gotham, where anyone on the street could be the next serial killer/psychopath of the month, the hell with that!  You have to have some sort of death wish to become a cop in this city and hell to even get cops in this city they probably go for the applicants that have suicidal tendencies on their psych reports.  Yeah we have Batman and the many heroes of Gotham doing the heavy lifting in taking down the scum of Gotham, but that's usually after a few deaths have occurred already and that in and of itself is a problem too.  So you're a cop putting together a case against some criminal and before you can make an arrest, a masked man delivers him at police headquarters hanging upside down.  Well there goes that case.  Sometimes when I'm feeling down I like to think of a Gotham job fair where all these tables are lined up with people filling out applications and then just two people sitting behind the GCPD table bored out of their mind.  Hell I don't know why anyone even lives here let alone becomes a cop here.  Awful job.

#1.  Arkham Asylum Staff

One thing I really hate about doing Top 5 lists is having an obvious #1.  But seriously what else could there have been for this slot?  Take the prison guards and the police and times it by a million and that's how bad working in Arkham Asylum has to be.  Not only are you in the same building with the worst of the worst that Gotham has to offer, but then you have the problem with the security that constantly allows these nut jobs to escape, which leads to more murdering of the staff as they make said escape.  Doctors, guards, hell even cafeteria workers are constantly in danger in this place and remember what I said about the psych tests for GCPD officers?  Same thing has to be going on here.  I can imagine the interview process, "What would you consider your worst trait?  "Well I'm a workaholic, always have been always will be."  "Oh good, good.  Do you want to die?"  "Why no, no I don't." "We're sorry but you just aren't qualified for this job."  When I read Batman books and the story takes us to Arkham Asylum, I as a reader become nervous because you know some bad shit is about to go down for somebody within the walls of this institution.  Also I doubt that they get Labor Day off as well.  Do yourself a favor fictional people of the DCU, go to Central City for a job, at least the villain problem there is against killing.

That's it for this week's Top 5 Fridays and I hope after reading this list you have a little better perspective on your shitty job, because just imagine one day you could wake up a fictional character in a comic book world and things could be so much worse.  I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Labor Day weekend and we'll see you in seven for the next list here at Weird Science.

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