Friday, November 28, 2014

Top 5 Black Fridays: Things You'll Want To Pick Up On Black Friday In The DC Universe

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend from all of us at Weird Science, but the Turkey munching portion of the holiday is over and now it's all about you lunatics out there that are flooding the stores and malls in search of your gifts for friends and family, but more likely yourselves.  Yeah, I might come off a little high and mighty here but if I had any sort of actual money and wasn't hindered by anxiety caused by large groups of people.......... Yeah, I'd probably be out there too.  For today's very special Top 5 Black Fridays, we'll be looking at certain items within the DCU which if they were actually for sale with the added bonus of having their prices slashed for this consumer holy day, we'd totally be camping out in front of stores to get our grubby hands all over them.  So pull out your thermoses and sleeping bags as I try to get your imagination working with this week's Things You'll Want To Pick Up On Black Friday In The DC Universe.  Let's get our avarice going and check it out.

#5.  Bat-Anything

Like it is in real life, anything with Batman on it or just Bat in it's title usually means that the seller has a license to print money.  Everyone loves Batman and everyone wants Batman things.  Now let's just say that Batman opened the doors to the Batcave and started selling off his goodies and let's just say that he had a Black Friday sale going on........... That's right consumer pandemonium.  Everyone's going to want to get their hands on batarangs, batmobiles and yes, even bat shark repellent.  Just think of it as if a new Iphone was coming out and it just so happened to be on Black Friday.  The outside of shops are going to look like refugee camps as everybody who's anybody would want to get there hands on all the goodness that is his bat tech.  Hell I still want to get that Batman '66 utility belt for Christmas, so anybody that loves me better be camping out this morning............. or you know, just go online and get it for me.  The former just means that you love me more.

#4.  Mister Terrific's T Spheres

Okay now dig this, as it turns out T Spheres are real things and when I went to go find a picture of them........... Well I found a bunch of pictures of women doing weird things with balls.  It looks like it could be some kind of yoga thing that I'll never understand, but still real things and woman use them.  For what we're talking about here though, we have a personal drone that will fly around you, record you, defend you and hell, it even projects holograms so you can recreate the "You're my only hope" scene from Star Wars.  So for our purposes here let's say that these T Spheres are marked down to only $199.99 and you tell your mother and or father that if they really love you, they'll get you a black man's balls for Christmas.  Now if you actually would go through with what I just recommended, it would be either really funny or really disturbing................ Send pictures.

#3.  A Legion Flight Ring

How many of you out there are tired of long commutes stuck behind someone who doesn't know how to use the gas and someone behind you who wants to run you off the road?  Let me ask you this, how many of you feel that you don't belong and could really benefit from a brotherhood of friends who would become your family?  If you answered yes to either of these then the Legion Flight Ring is for you.  Not only will you be able to fly over all those suckers stuck in traffic, but you'd be apart of an elite superhero team that is celebrated throughout space and time.  Now for today only you can get this beautiful flight ring for 30% off it's actual price but since I want to get your hopes up, I won't tell you what the price originally was, so when you walk in your still outraged about how much it costs.  Don't mind the blood and come on down!

#2.  Captain Cold's Cold Gun

Are you tired of Speedsters kicking sand in your face?  Well once you pick up this cold gun you'll become the Master of Absolute Zero and you can tell those jerk off Speedsters around you to break a leg. (That's a Forever Evil Joke, son!)  But even if you don't have Speedster problems in your life, this cold gun comes in real handy on trips to the beach and cross country car trips.  No more will you have to lug around heavy coolers filled with ice.  For those of you who hate waiting for winter to come around to get your ice skating on, well with this cold gun you won't have to wait any longer.  I'm not talking about you fancy pants' who have an ice skating rink around you, I'm talking about the working class Joe who might have to go and use his cold gun to rob a bank, while still keeping pretty decent morals about how far you'll go.  Get them while they last!

#1. The Cosmic Treadmill

Too much turkey yesterday making you feel like what the 90's referred to as a "Fatty Boombalatty"?  Is the winter season bringing you down and making working out hard or just too depressing to think about?  Could it be that you want to start working out now so you have that lean joggers body when you strut out on the beach for the first time, with all the confidence in the world before you're laughed at because you're pale as hell?  Well let me tell you that if you go out and pick yourself up a cosmic treadmill you can fix all the things that your worried about with your narcissistic state of mind.  All the time I hear it at the........ah........ Cosmic Treadmill store?  "Eric, what's the best way to keep exercise interesting?" My response is always setting goals and I don't know of a better goal than if you keep it up and get faster on this treadmill, you'll be able to travel through time.  BAM!  I just dropped the Mic.  So shake off your tryptophan sluggishness and go our there, push through anyone else you happen to see and get yourself a Cosmic Treadmill now 30% off!

That's it for this week's Top 5 Fridays and while it may have been a list that I quickly threw together because.......... Well because it's a holiday weekend and I wanted to get a bit lazy as BBC America aired a Star Trek The Next Generation marathon, but I hoped you enjoyed it nonetheless.  Have a happy and safe holiday weekend and if there's a item out there in the DC Universe that you'd want to pick up......... you know as long as it's not some kind of doomsday device and you're scary as hell with your intent, let me know about it and we'll see you in seven.  Boosh!


  1. my top 5 would be easy as cake:
    5: Court of Owls Owlman power suit: Powersuits always cool
    4: Mirror Masters gun: people need to get going nonstop! use a mirror transport!
    3: Green Arrow Trick arrow set: Impress friends and family with a set of trick arrows!
    2: Captain Cold gun: ITS COOL! XD
    1: Mother Box: *ping! BOOM!* want to have a nice relaxing vacation on a planet with beautiful beaches or see another universe? Wanna arrive in more style than the mirror gun or Batmobile? then look no further than a Himon brand Mother Box!

  2. Ha ha, good choices. Even though having a Mother Box would be great, I just know that I'd get sick of all that pinging and I'd freak the hell out.