Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Klarion #3 Review

Written by: Ann Nocenti
Art by: Trevor McCarthy, Sandu Florea and Staz Johnson
Cover Price: $2.99
Release Date: December 10, 2014

Stop Making Sense or Same as it Ever Was


What the hell did I just read?!?  Seriously, if I was just a little lazier, I'd just slap a quick "1" under that first sentence and call it a night.  I'm an Ann Nocenti veteran and I am still so utterly confused that I can only imagine what a newcomer to her brand of nuttiness would think.  Well, I'm going to put on my thinking cap, reread this issue a handful of times and try my best to tell you a little about it.  Wish me luck, I'm going in.



Last month's issue ended with Zell kissing Klarion and choking him out with her Bayonetta inspired hair.  This issue starts there...kind of.  There is mention of the kiss, but also of two-headed pigs and eyeballs.  Sometimes I think that Ann Nocenti just picks nouns out of a hat and goes with it.  Maybe next month she'll pick out french fries and lightning bolts.  We then get to what I can only guess is the major part of this first arc, buddybots.

Rasp is settling down with his buddybot and he's experiencing the euphoria of "uncanny valley".  Nocenti's words, not mine. Klarion tries to kill it (it's name is Contessa, by the way), but it changes from a spider looking thing to a pink haired female that would probably be Steel's dream date.  Zell tells us the buddybots are like the ten thousand dollar hamburger (again, not my words) and we get examples of how they are changing the world.  They are replacing childhood friends and wives.  Better living through technology?  Well, the wives were of the nagging variety.

The rest of the issue involves bees, the devil's barber, a confusing battle and the realization that buddybots are only as evil as their owners.  The issue ends with Klarion and Zell possibly getting into the devil's car and Noah and Piper getting busy in the Moody Museum.  At the risk of repeating myself, What the Hell did I just read?!?  Maybe I'm just dumb (West Virginia Grad and all), but this book makes no sense whatsoever.  It only took three issues for Ann to go completely off the rails.  Seriously, she must know where they buried the bodies.

Since the first issue, I have liked the art in this book and Trevor McCarthy, Sandu Florea and Staz Johnson do a good job this week.  It must be hard to be on such a dialogue heavy (too heavy) book, but they survive and even flourish.  The stylistic and trippy art even fits the bat-shit crazy story.

Bits and Pieces:

If you like nonsensical dialogue, misused metaphors and confusing story lines, pick it up now.  Afterwards, I suggest sitting down and taking a long look at yourself and where your craziness is taking you in life.  If you are sane, don't get within ten yards of this book.  This has been a public service announcement from Weird Science.  Thank You.

1.5/10

10 comments:

Unknown said...

Even reading your summary of klarion makes my head hurt...why doesn't DC just fire nocenti?

Jim Werner said...

It really is that bad. I torture Eric at work by reading the awful dialogue to him. The best I can tell you is Nocenti is friends with some DC Comics heavy hitters from back in the day and they won't fire her. I hope this is the last straw.

Unknown said...

Its always so strange to me how in some of the cases of bad comics theres Good Art but shite story telling makes it all for naught.

Jim Werner said...

agreed. I don't know about you, but I can excuse bad art for good storytelling, but if the story is bad...I'm out.

Anonymous said...

Not that I disagree with your critique as a whole, but "uncanny valley" is actually a thing. Wiki it up :)

Masumi5 said...

I heard she wants to focus on making documentaries, so maybe she'll quit soon? I have a high tolerance for poor storytelling (I though Transformers ROTF was decent) and while the first two issues were passable, even I thought this was bad. The bee scene in particular sucked.

Jim Werner said...

The sooner she leave, the better. BTW, I'm about to read and review issue #4 and I'm sure that will suck too.

Masumi5 said...

It was better than #3. Which probably isn't saying much. I'm really just reading for the characters and this had a lot of Piper and Noah, who are now my favorites in the series.

Anonymous said...

I think this series is very strong and inventive on every level and getting better with every issue. If you think something's wrong with a book I think you have an obligation to explain exactly what you think is the problem rather than simply indulging in childish name-calling.

Jim Werner said...

I'm glad you like it. As for what's wrong, I woild say the awful dialogue, the ridiculous story telling and the over explanation. I love the art, but other than that, the book is a mess. DC announced it was canceled after two issues for a reason...the sales were horrendous because everyone is tired of Ann Nocenti's writing. So we will get 6 issues of this book and it will be added to her being replaced on 2 books and getting another book canceled.