Thursday, October 9, 2014

Klarion #1 Review

Written by: Ann Nocenti
Art by: Trevor mcCarthy
Cover Price: $2.99
Release Date: October 9, 2014

I want my $2.99 and Ten Minutes of My Life Back



We meet again Ann Nocenti.  I thought that I had rid myself of you after you left (got kicked off?) Catwoman, but just like a cat, it seems you have nine lives.  Seriously, Ann must know where the bodies are buried because after running every book she's been on into the ground, she is always given another job.  This one, though, is a bit more bizarre.  Can anyone out there in comic reading land tell me how Klarion got a monthly book before Shazam and Cyborg?  Oh well, if this issue is any indication, it won't be around too long.



I'm not Alfred Einstein, but I think I know a little about comics.  Am I wrong in thinking that the first book of a new series should introduce the character, show us his world and make the reader want to come back for more.  Sounds simple enough.  Ann Nocenti does the first two, but in a way only she can, makes it so damn confusing that I don't what the hell I just read.  Between forced slang and awful dialogue, she gives us nonsensical situations and awful characterizations.  Par for the course, I guess.

I know that most of you came to here specifics about this issue so I'll try my best.  Klarion has come to Earth in a cab driven by Diablo, the barber.  He helps a descendant of Rasputin (called Rasp, of course) and ends up applying for a job as a Souse chef at a magical hotel.  Then he goes to a Metal show where he fights with a tech infused Rasp who has a whip while a bunch of creepy characters talk about their grand scheme for everyone and everything.  At least that's what I think happened.

After reading and reviewing a bunch of Nocenti books, I have developed a keen eye for what I like to call "Nocenti-isms".  These are bits of dialogue that make no sense to the point of realizing that a character is talking about something Ann has no idea about.  This issue isn't as full as past ones, but we still get the gems, "I'm so hungry I could dive a dumpster" and "Maybe it sneaks up on you and gives you cancer when you least expect it" when describing Karma.  There are a few others, but you get the point.  I guess like her other books, I'll just continue having fun laughing "at" it.

After all this hate (and not for hates sake, mind you), I'm happy to say that Trevor McCarthy's art is real good.  While Nocenti has a problem with telling, not showing, what McCarthy shows is pretty kick ass.  He does a great job with the varied characters and he does give the book a nice dark mojo feel.

Bits and Pieces:

I'd love to tell you how great this issue is, but that would make me a big, fat, stinking liar.  I may be big, fat and stinking, but mister, I am no liar.  Besides the art, this book sucks.  Everyone needs to pass on this so the higher ups at DC will give Ann yet another book, maybe Section 8.

2.0/10

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