Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Flash: Don't Run - Review and **SPOILERS**

Written By: Sam Chalsen and Judalina Neira

Directed By: Stefan Pleszczynski

First Aired: December 5, 2017

The other day I was with my 7 year old at her bus stop and there were a bunch of kids from her bus running around play "The Flash", which as a 45 year old man who still watches "The Flash" and has deep rooted opinions on what an asshole Barry Allen is, caused me to rethink some really dumb life choices I made along the way. I should probably use this mid-season break to sort all that shit out. 

Quick recap of the season after our one week break for Crisis on Earth X.  
Barry started the season living that speed force life.  Wally was holding shit down with Cisco keeping shit safe before some crazy robot samurai came through and started fucking shit up.  The Star Lab Gang (SLG) pulled Barry back from the speed force and this caused a massive dark matter event that turned a bus full of randos into a bus full of metas.  
The villain of the season is Clifford Devoe aka The Thinker. Devoe was a professor who suffered some brain disease and was given super powers during the first Star Lab explosion.  He was also the name future Flash aka Savitar mentioned when discussing the events that ruined his life last season..  The secondary villain is Amunet played super well by Katee Sackhoff.  I think they might be working in cahoots, but I cannot say for sure.
Also Barry married his sister. 
Caught up? Good. Let's get to the proceedings. 
Explain It:

This week we start off with Cisco and Wells putting up what can only be described as the war on Christmas in the form of a royal blue Christmas tree.  Ralph aka the Elongated Man comes through and they all have a joke in front of Caitlin about their new BFF Killer Frost.  

Caitlin obvi gets upset and breaks out in a huff.  

Back at Barry and Iris' crib they are opening wedding gifts under the Christmas tree and from all appearances it seems as though nobody paid a lick of attention to their registry.  Oli and Felicity got them an expresso machine they didn't ask for and Mick Rory got them 4 toasters that apparently fell off a truck.  Barry starts taking his sweet ass time cleaning shit up and Iris is all "What the fuck bro? You got super powers, use them shits so we aren't late for work bro!"  Barry drops some YA smoothness and talks about being with Iris is the first time in his life he felt he does not need to run.  Also someone gave them a sweet knife with an ivory handle that I am sure will in no way become a plot point later in the episode. 

Devoe is in his non--The Thinker civilian chair and struggling to button up his professorial cardigan.  He has a special moment with his wife about how much they love each other or some shit, but I was too busy bugging out on how much his wife looks like a TV level version or Rachel Weiss.

Caitlin meets up with Wells at Central Perk or whatever the fuck the name of that coffee shop they stay going it is and Wells reassures Caitlin that even though she is an emo-straight-edge-stick-in-the-mud, everyone loves her more than Killer Frost, followed by an explosion taking off the front of the coffee shop.

Amunet is back and she is taking Caitlin with her.  Amunet is my favorite character in the history of CW's The Flash. 

Barry and Iris are trying to figure out what they are going to do with all the department store credits they got after returning all of the toasters Mick gave them when The Thinker shows up in The Thinker Chair and kidnaps Barry using some sort of Doc Ock patented extending mechanical arm technology.  

Iris and Wells arrive a the lab to let the remaining SLG know just what the fuck is going on.  Cisco tries to vibe Barry's location but he is hit with a big bag of hurtful energy that sends him flying across the room.

And where is Barry?  Turns out Devoe has him trapped in some sort of a electronic cage that looks like it is made out of chainlink plasma or some shit.  

Amunet is on the other side of town in some creepy ass hospital that looks like it is from American Horror Story Asylum!  She has dampened Cailtin's Killer Frost powers because she doesn't need Frost, she needs Caitlin, awwwww see Caitlin, somebody does need you!!!!  Amunet has accidentally put a metal shard in the neck of a meta that she needs because he can read minds.

Back in the the Tron like basement of Devoe's crib, Barry is trying to figure out why he is in a cage while somehow managing to come off like a smug prick.  Only Barry Allen can look worse than the person holding him captive in their basement.  Devoe let's Barry know that he needs to learn some humility, which is true, and that he is going to teach it to Barry. 

Quick aside...why the fuck are all these metas always so mad at Barry?  Like what reason does Devoe have to be pissed at Barry? Barry didn't do shit to him. So why waste all this time creating an elaborate plan that will eventually backfire just to teach Barry Allen a lesson?  Seems like right wing troll culture to me.  Like Central City villains are the James O'Keefe's of the meta world. 

Joe and Wells show up at the crib, Barry starts barking orders not to hurt them at Devoe who breaks the fuck out and within seconds, Devoe is back in his cardigan.  Homeboy has almost no motor skills, how the fuck did that happen so fast?

Meanwhile Devoe's wife is keeping her eye on Barry, and Barry gets all sexist talking about "You don't have to do this for your man" to which she rightly replies "Fuck you you sexist piece of shit, I am doing this for me!". YAS QUEEN!! (I think I am using this popular phrase that the kids are using correctly).

Joe and Wells search the place and find nothing, so either they are horrible detectives or Devoe is keeping Barry somewhere off the board, like in the upside down or some shit.  Could we have a The Flash and Eleven crossover event?  

Back at the lab, Cisco shits all over Ralph, blaming him for Caitlin's current situation before the two run off to opposite corners of Star Labs.

Wells lays some hard truths down on Iris about being a leader and tells her she needs to decide to save one or the other because they can't save both.  Iris gives one of those tormented Iris looks to the camera, shrugs and says "It's a living"*

*Not really

Caitlin and telepathy dude try to break out of the hospital only to be caught by Amunet and her henchmen.  

Ralph and Cisco make up, Iris decides to save Caitlin because Barry can handle himself. 

Caitlin agrees to do the procedure, turns on the gas and everything to put meta dude under and gets the shard out of his brainstem.  Amunet and her henchmen pass out.  Turns out it was a total ruse, Caitlin let the gas out in the room and knocked them the fuck out....though I am not sure how she was not rendered unconscious as well. 

Iris uses microsoft tablet product placement to find Caitlin. Cisco and Ralph vibe right over to help out their friend in a nick of time.  Ralph takes the metal shards Amunet intended for Caitlin.  Cisco disses the shit out of Amunet's burning man dreads. Then he opens a portal for them to break the fuck out, but not before Ralph tries to get Amunet's digits.  Ralph is the best.  He is like a young Bruce Campbell. 

Back in Devoe's future sex dungeon we learn that Barry has found a way to get out of the cage. Of course he gets over confident and thinks he won, but not so fast big boy. Devoe scoops Barry up in his The Thinker Chair, flies him through the city and drags him across some buildings.  He is getting ready to use his Doc Ock tech to take Barry out, but Barry dodges them shits and they fly into The Thinker Chair causing it to crash in the river. Barry is saved by the inflation mechanism that Cisco put in his suit a few episodes back and we should assume that Devoe drowned because he can't move his arms and legs.  

Barry makes his way back to the lab and he is worn the fuck out. The gang decides to spend the holidays together and they even invite Ralph.  Caitlin decides to invite the telepath she saved as well.  Do I smell romance?

Ralph decorates Joe's crib for the holiday celebration and just as things get going, Barry gets an alert on his mobile device that the alarm is going off back at the loft...he fucking calls it the loft.  Who the fuck calls their home "the loft"?  

Sorry I got sidetracked. 

Barry gets to the crib, turns off the alarm and then gets a call from a blocked number, fucking telemarketers.  It turns out it is the telepath, who is sounding eerily similar to Devoe.  He informs Barry that he is an arrogant prick and will never understand just how deep down the rabbit hole he is about to go. 

This prompts Barry to notice the knife that was so naturally shoehorned in early in the episode, and the case is open and the knife is missing. Barry then notices a trail of blood on the floor which leads to the body of Devoe which has suffered multiple stab wounds and what do you know.  CHEKHOV'S KNIFE BITCHES!!!!

Then the cops kick in the door and arrest Barry.  

Telepathy guy leaves the party because his ride is there, turns out it is Devoe's wife.  A quick flashback shows us that Amunet turned the telepath over to Devoe and his wife and they transferred his essence into this new young, sleek, working body.  Devoe's wife is geeked, no more sponge baths!!!!

Over all it was a middling episode that did some nice work setting up the second half of the season which starts on January 19th. 

Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:

Barry was too fucking arrogant. He thought he knew everything, when he really knew nothing and he thought that because Devoe was in a wheelchair he could take him out like he was Drake's character in Degrassi the next gen.  

Also he was hella sexist to Devoe's wife (says the guy that won't even take the time to learn her name).

Also he calls his apartment "The Loft" like he is Ann Taylor or some shit. 


No comments:

Post a Comment